Bessa

Victoria

The loss of the Savage is felt acutely.

Odin slumps, Ryeson mops, and Elska is unsettled.

I can breathe again without his eyes on me, without breathing the same breath as him. I can come out of my room without having to look into his face. Into those eyes that look at me the same way, he's looked at her.

The weight has lifted off my shoulders, and I feel lighter.

Walking into the summer grounds is the same, I keep behind with the females of the pack with Elska. Odin keeps pace with his father. Ryeson gets carried by the Savage when his legs can go no further.

We spend the entire summer separated, the briefest of contacts only to exchange words about the pups nothing more.

I know what needs to be gathered now. I don't need him to tell me what to collect. I can do it myself.

The camp is set up by him, taken down by him. Packed away tightly and we walk back to the winter grounds, without twenty words between us.

At times I feel his eyes on me, but they fall away quickly and I'm comfortable again.

The Savage's pack is dropped at the front door. He takes out his stock on the front walk. He doesn't enter the house, leaving everything in neat piles for Odin and me to take inside.

"That's the last of it." He speaks, his voice seems not familiar, but still comforting.

He stands, looking inside the house through the open door.

"I'll come by and start with the wood for the winter. Odin can stack it." I nod my head. It's hard to speak when he's close.

"Do you need anything, Bessa?" Hope shines in dull eyes.

Shaking my head, no. His shoulders slump, I close the door while he walks away.

The door locks shut, and Elska is rocking herself on hands and knees on the floor before she starts to crawl.

"Mother, she's crawling." Odin points.

"I see." Odin is clapping his hands together, like his father does to let Elska know where he is.

"Come to me, Elska." Odin is on the floor with her. A rush of a thought enters in, taking over the scene to when Ryeson started to crawl. The Savage was on the floor crawling with Ryeson, a smile spreads wide. When they get close to me, the Savage pulls me to the floor with them, kissing me all over my face."I love you," he told me as he placed kiss after kiss on my cheeks, neck, chest, shoulders. When he looks down, I'm looking through his memories, through his eyes. He's looking right at me and silently sending his thanks to the Moon for me, for our family and for blessing him beyond his worth. Love is all he feels, it consumes the inside of him to the point he drowns on it.

He drowns in love.

I drown in the memory of this. The bones of my ribs ache.

Searching his memory, he is looking at her. His love fills him, but it doesn't consume him, he's not drowning from it. Not the way he feels for me, not the way I fill him so much he thinks it's too much. His ribs also ache but with how much they stretch open, how much love he can hold within himself.

He loves the ache.

"Mother, are you watching Elska?" Odin's words darken the memory away.

"I'm watching Odin." Ryeson gets on the floor and crawls beside Elska, making sure she doesn't bump her head into the furniture while I put things away.