I tipped the taxi driver and headed down to the bar, unaware of anyone else. I'm focused on me right now. I'm a mess. I'm scared. I hate myself. I just want to forget. Forget everything that has happened in the past two months. All of it.
Shawn and I broke up. Not for any hardcore reason, just that it wasn't really the right time. We both agreed on it. Thing is, I regret it. I wake up to a cold bed in the morning. I open my phone to no love texts. I eat across from emptiness. I go to sleep surrounded by only my thoughts. It's eating me alive. I cant function. My mind is constantly spinning around him. I'm nothing without him.
The bar welcomed underaged kids who are rebelling for a title, old guys playing card games and hoarding down vodka, and couples who really can't keep their hands off of each other. Not my usual crowd, but I don't care. I just need to ease and drink my problems away for the night. It's the only reasonable solution.
After about ten shots of the sharpest whiskey they had, I'm ready to head out. The old men had creeped me out enough. And I was already on the safe zone of drunk, where I can function but I am still a little tipsy.
The crisp air covered me with goosebumps all along my skin, making me wish I had brought a jacket. I didn't want to get home that quickly, so walking was the choice for me. I'm not far from my apartment, so it's all good.
The moon is my only friend right now, looking down on me, still shining through my troubles. Why did this all go downhill.
Shawn's probably having the time of his life, and poor 'ol me is stuck drinking and sleeping all the time. Immature actions but as I said, I can't function.
As I cross the street, I come face to face with a park lit up with street lamps. Observing that it has been abandoned for the night, I decide to sit down for a while, and let the alcohol wear off a little. This is where Shawn and I had our, what was it, third date? Yes, third date.
We were both on the edge of crazy, running around on sugar highs after eating a bunch of sweets. Like right now, it was nighttime and no one was around to stop our hyper selves. We went on everything, the slides, the swings, that weird turning thing. About an hour into it, we crashed from the high, leading us to lie down next to each other like Hazel and Augustus from The Fault In Our Stars. We were even counting the stars, then proceeding to talk about space theories and random nonsense.
That's when we had kissed for the first time. That was the first time I felt love, lust, and passion take over me all at the same time. That's when I knew, well, though, Shawn was the one. He got me. He helped me through situations where I felt like giving up. He carried me through thick and thin, not caring about himself. He comforted me when the world crashed on me in an instant. Most importantly, he was my safe place, my shelter, my rock, my life, for so many years. Now it's gone to shit.
"Why? Why us? We could've fixed this, I know we could've. It's not fair," I say to myself while looking at the stars filling the night sky, not expecting an answer from them. Maybe this was all a mistake. Or maybe we were supposed to end up like this. Who knows. All I know for sure is that I miss him, and I need him.
I took myself off of the bench and onto the grass, covered in a light dew. I didn't care. Maybe it'll help wash away the pain and grief away.
I stared at the endless galaxy above me, wadding around in my crowded thoughts. Does he even miss me? Does he care? He seemed like he did when we ended things. Well, if he did, he'd be here right now. He'd tell me to get my ass up and stop this.
I closed my eyes to imagine the simpler times, maybe six months ago. No doubt we were in love. Totally struck with it, as if we were in each other's spell, unable to escape. I miss looking at his face when he's staring at something he loves. I miss when his hands would start to shake a little bit right before he went on to perform. I miss the 'I love you's' and all the small things that mattered. I wish it were the same. But no. One's a world famous pop star touring the world, pleasing millions of people through his lyrics and voice. The other is a mental breakdown that has had so much alcohol consumed that it seems like all the bars would be totally out of liquor. One's fixed, and one's a mess.
The air shifted in mood, and I opened my eyes to a head next to mine, which I would notice from anywhere. The curly brown hair, the sharp jawline, the flushed pink cheeks. It's Shawn.
"What are you doing here?" I asked, remaining my cool. We were both looking up and avoiding facing each other.
"I don't know, really. I was thinking about getting some air, and I wounded up here," is all he said before we went back to the uncomfortable silence. We both know what we want, but we just can't get it out. We can't say it. The words aren't forming correctly. He finally spoke up after a few minutes.
"Why couldn't we fix things? This was the worst thing to do. I know us, we're stronger than this." Tears were now going down the side of my face onto the grass. That statement made me totally sober and conscious.
"I don't know. I don't know," I repeated. Shawn turned his head towards me, my mind egging me to turn as well, and I did. My y/e/c eyes met with his, which were wide and full of hope and forgiveness. We want this badly, and we both know it.
"Can we please try again? I love you so much. I haven't stopped thinking about you. I need you," he said, one tear falling down. Hope was the last thing I had in my mind, and now it has risen and is swimming around.
"What if this happens again? Can't you see I'm already a mess? I'm broken, I'm hurting, I can't," is what I manage to get out before stopping to hold my cries.
"I promise. When we ended things, we were oblivious towards our affection. We didn't consider the other options. Please. I won't let you go this time. I did it once, and I learned my lesson the day afterwards," Shawn said, his voice cracking with guilt and pain.
We stared at each other, and then I finally nodded in agreement. He smiled, which made me softly grin as well. We then looked back up at the dotted sky, finally realizing that we are indeed strong enough.
I connected some stars into a crooked heart, smiling while doing it. We left each other and now we're back. As soon as I thought I was lost and unable to be found, he led me through the dark and now we are dancing in the light. Shawn's hand draped over his body and ended up close to mine, where I then grabbed with mine.
That's when I knew things were going to be okay, because Shawn and I found each other again, and he brought me back home.
YOU ARE READING
shawn mendes imagines
Fanfictionimagines about shawn peter raul mendes some stories about shawn and you. i also put songs as story titles. ^will be using 'y/n' ^has a few smuts ^contains profanity