Do you want to be like me? If so, I can tell you this with pretty good confidence "Nope, sorry, never going to happen, forget about it." Trust me, I am being kind.
Did I hurt your feelings? Sorry...not sorry.
Right now, you might be saying "Cathy, you're an insensitive B.I.T.C.H!"
I'd say "You bet." After all, I am whatever you think that I am. You'd give me a raised eyebrow and call me a few other defamatory words and I'd just smile and nod. Why argue with you? If my own mother thought I wasn't worth the time what makes you think I'd care about your opinion?
I know I'm sexy and beautiful because I've been that way for as long as I can remember. Yeah, yeah 'Don't be so vain Cathy.'
Sure, it's easy for you to say when you're ugly. Just saying. Even when I was ten years old I was sexualized. How could I not look at myself and see a body that people wanted to fuck?
I still vividly remember this group of boys from my elementary school. They would corner me on the playground to forcefully fondle my breasts. This happened almost every day for weeks.
It went on for weeks with no support from anyone. So, don't even start about reporting them or whatever. I'd only be asked what I was wearing, why was I at the playground alone?
Did I say anything to encourage their behavior? Or my personal favorite, boys will be boys. You know who you are. Of course, it was my fault! Sarcastic smirk and eye roll later.
I bet you want to hear that story about those boys. Why should I tell you? Wouldn't you just find a way to tell me that I was to blame? Heavy sigh. Fine, I'll tell you. It's not like I have anything to hide.
Those boys were everywhere it seemed. They would corner me during recess, follow me in the playground and harass me on my way home from school. There were five of them.
Jimmy, the leader was shorter than me and had dark chocolate skin. His hair was always shaved off and he was pretty chunky though he'd get angry if anyone said that out loud. Jimmy almost never walked alone. He almost always had Frick, Frack, Frin, and Fram with him. Nobody cares about those guys anyway.
The weeks that passed felt like I was living in a nightmare. I kept waiting for the day when I would wake up to discover it was all a dream. One day, I just wanted to be home. I was so tired and frustrated by my life. I was trapped in this existence and frustrated by my inability to control my own destiny.
Those boys had continuously harassed me and I felt constantly on edge. When I arrived home I got into a heated argument with my mother. She had crushed me by telling me that the plans to get us out of the projects would be placed on hold.
I thought she wanted a better future but it seemed that I was wrong. I was so angry and disappointed that I said some things that I didn't mean and I fled the house.
Panic filled me because I had no idea where to go from here. 'The playground,' I rationalized. I could sit there and cool my head. Think things over. There was a calmness that overtook me as I made my way to the park.
The sun was warm on my face as my black curls cascaded down towards my shoulders just lightly dusting the edges of the blades. The wind whisked my curls into my face and I brushed the hair from my eyes. As I walked towards the place I'd hoped would bring me some comfort I was met with a different fate. Those boys. They saw me as I had seen them. It was too late to turn around. It was just too late. They were coming...
Author's note: I edited this page to make the chapter a bit shorter and to take some feedback provided into consideration. I removed some of the parts that I thought could be taken out. Would love to hear your thoughts. If you enjoyed this chapter please give it a like and thanks for reading.
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