Chapter 24

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A few days had passed and it was Saturday. I had to see a doctor today for multiple reasons. I didnt want to but Mum and Dad were making me. They think i'll try commit suicide 'again'. Which it wasnt even my plan last time. James was set to come with me, Mum and Dad were taking us.

There were knocks at the bedroom door. James entered.

"You alright, you havent spoke all morning?"

"No, no i'm fine, I just dont see the point in all this" I say.

James bit his lip.

"Maybe they think it'll help I dont know, Just see what happens" He says. I laugh.

"It would help if they left me alone" I smirked.

The car journey was pretty silent. I sat in the back with Mum unfortunely. Dad and James spoke in the front now and then about work and school. James explained how he was going to work with his cousin in a garage. Dad approved of him and hiswe unlike Mum, she questioned everything.

"Well Its good that you'll be able to provide for a future family" Dad said and gave me a smile in the mirror.

When we arrived at the doctors we sat in the waiting room. I had a short sleeved top on for once which I regretted when I got all the stares from the elderly people in reception. Some went passed me shaking their heads. Some gave death stares to my parents. While waiting I sat with James, his arm wrapped round me.

"Ocean Jones". That was it. My name was called. I stood up, so did Mum, Dad and James.

"Only one in the room with Ocean please" The doctor said. Everyone looked at each other. I looked to James, before I could speak, Mum said it would be her.

"Very well, would you both like to folllow me" He said.

The room was bare, with only a desk, 3 chairs, an exaiming bed and a few cupboards. The doctor was typing down information on the computer, asking me for details, birthday, address etc.

"Ocean, You are here because your parents reached out to me for help. They think you may be a risk to yourself, not other poeple but your very self. We know your background, Im very sorry to hear that happened and when things happen at a young age, the trauma can cause things afterwards, as your mum has told me, you have a counsellor, you have been diagnosed with depression. I know you clearly self harm to, hospitalized for it. I can understand that its hard".

The words went through one ear and went out the other. All I did was nod to signal I'm listening.

"What can we do to help her?" Mum asked.

"Well we dont know how Ocean feels or what she's thinking" He turned to me "Do you feel like you're a risk to yourself, do you think you wont be able to control your actions next time you get angry, upset, low?"

Mum looked to me.

"Most probably" I said.

Mum and the doctor looked at each other. Mum had tears running down her face. I sat not bothered. I didnt want to be here, so what was the point in communicating anymore than im asked to.

"Mrs Jones, I feel that Ocean still go to her meetings with Michelle as before, She should attend school when she feels up to it. I will email the school and explain the problem we have" He said. I laughed.

" Oh Im the problem in all this of course" I said.

"Ocean, dont be so rude" Mum said. I rolled my eyes and stood up.

"Are we done here, I have a life to get back to" I said. The doctor stood up with mum doing the same afterwards.

"I'll be in touch Ocean, Mrs Jones if you could stay behind for a talk that would be great, Thank you Ocean you may leave" He said. I shook his hand and left the room, slamming the door on my way out.

I joined Dad and James in the waiting room. I didnt speak, nor did I want them too. They just carried out their conversation. Mum's with their kids started to fill the room. The parents disgusted by my arms.

"James could I borrow your hoodie?" Saying it while nodding towards the mums. He took it off and handed it over. Kissing me on the cheek and putting his arm round me.

"All okay in there babe?" He asked. I nodded.

"You know we just want the best" Dad said.

"Tell mum that".

On the way home, no one spoke at all. Mum looking out of the window, she sat in the front this time, away from me. I sat holding James hand tightly. I gave Dad the odd smile in the mirror now and then.

"Choose now whether you want to live with James still or come back with us" Mum said suddenly. Shocking us all. I looked at James.

"Im going home...with James" I said.

She sighed deeply.

"Pull over" Mum said. Dad pulled the car over where he could and mum got out and opened my door.

"You can walk from here" She said. I looked at Dad who put his head down and didnt say anything. James jumped out and walked round. I stepped out and slammed the door behind me.

"I fucking hate you" I said before walking off with James hand in hand smiling.

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