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Pen Your Pride

Letting You Go Was the Hardest Thing

Copyright © 2012 All rights reserved

Chapter Eleven

Picture on the side is Honjo Tanaka (Actor and Model Takeshi Kaneshiro)


I don't know why my life became messed up. Hell, I don't even know why I became the way I am today. At one point, I often asked myself, "why am I bothering with this shit?"

          The answer?

          All I could do was laugh like a moron, and get on with whatever I'm doing.

          Coming from an upstanding family, it was beyond appalling that the son of one of  the most influential lawyer of Lakeside, Colorado, is a gangbanger, who had so much promise that he threw away a bright future just because of a love that can never be.

          The hurt.

          The strings of bullshit.

          The pain.
          All that emotional roller coaster, you name it, my heart got it.

           It was all in the name of this sickening, sappy shit called love.

           I hated it.

          My mom and dad never understood why I act the way I am. They mistook my quiet personality, and the lack of friendliness towards others for being different... their subtle way for the word freak. They even went to extreme lengths in setting me up with an appointment with a freaking therapist. As they worded it out, they were only worried about me.

          Pfft! Worried? More like scared. I could see it in their eyes; they're not worried. They thought that there's something wrong with me.

             Meaning, why I'm not like my brother.

           I can't help it if I'm anti-social. I can't help it if I'm not like Dalton, who's Mr. Congeniality. I'm just being me, Terrence.

             And most of all, I can't help it when the love of my life can't love me back...

            'God, I'm turning into a sap,' I thought bitterly. What can you do? No matter how tough you are, when a heart gets broken like shattered glass, it can't be undone. You'd break down, forget who you are, or what you stand for, and end up like a pile of shit.

         After today's stunt, never again will I break down. I'm not going back that road never, ever again... for her.

         Yeah, I'm talking about Caroline Grace. That's why I left that damn house to be on my own. I couldn't stand seeing her with my idiotic brother, who gave up the fight when there was still hope to salvage everything. He was a moron to believe Charlie. He could have fought, and damn it! He could have tried. There was still hope, but the doofus chose to give up, and hook up with Miss Perky.

         However, Caroline knew how I felt. On more than one occasion, I left sweet, yet intense stolen kisses for her when Dalton's not looking. I proved time and time again to her that I'm worth her love... yet, it was never enough for her.

            Just because I'm not like Dalton.

             Like my parents, she thought the same of me...

             And it hurt.

            With the shit I went through, I gave up, moved out, dropped out of college, and fell into the wrong crowd.

             Might as well play the part if they thought of me differently.

         For years I had made my family's life a living hell. Imagine their faces when I had my first overnight stay in a jail cell. All I did was smile cockily at them as they approached to get me out. The effect was unbelievable. My mother's tear-stained face, my father's look of disbelief, and most of all, Dalton's fury-filled face.

         Oh, well...

         Like I said, might as well play the part.

         "I need to do something," I mumbled, lying on my bed with my hands clasped behind my head. The silence in my cramped apartment was deafening, starting to get to me. With my turmoiled thoughts added, I'd go bat crazy straight to the loony bin.

         Ah, hell. I need to get shit-faced, or yet hook up with some leggy chick. Yeah, that could work. Get drunk and score some ass seemed like a good idea. I've had enough thinking. I've had enough dealing with my family, and with her. I'm done, all of it. With that, I got up from my bed, grabbed my leather jacket that was draped on the chair, and look at the time on my night stand. It was now 9:30 pm.

         I shrugged. The earlier, the more time to party hardy.

         Rejuvenated with the idea, I head for the door with a swagger, and subconsciously stopped in front of my mirror, and stared at my reflection.

         One thing that did bother me was my eyes. It used to have that slight warmth in them, but now... it was just steely, and bone chilling.

         And it bothered me.
         "Yeah, you're really messed up," I told my reflection.
          With a sigh, I looked away, and headed out of my crappy apartment, ready to waste my life away with booze and ass.

         After all, it's the best way to forget everything, even for just a little while.

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