Starship Armstrong - Season 2

Part 46 - Imperator Galactica (VIII)

The Emperor returned to the dining room, peering out from behind a golden wall of guards, and surveyed the situation.

The hall was a mess. There were halberd cuts in the irreplaceable Earth-wood table. Plates and food seemed to have exploded all over the table and surrounding area. Everywhere there were spatters of human blood, on the floor on the walls on the precious precious table.

To make matters worse his useless, disloyal retainers were all lying about on the ground, bleeding all over his already disgraced dining room. Lazy. Some guards they turned out to be.

Dr. Huang was lying on the table, probably dead. Good. Served the rebel right for trying to imply that the will of the Emperor could possibly be an act of war. Utterly insane! He deserved his on-the-spot execution.

That just left the Captain, who didn't even have the basic decency to actually be the Captain after all. She was lying on the ground, disarmed (the Emperor had to take a moment to internally laugh at his own impeccable wit) and also bleeding all over his nice possessions.

Speaking of nice possessions: the pulchritudinous Yoshiko (he basked in the light of his own vocabulary) was knelt down by the disgusting mess that was the woman who wasn't even Captain. Lucky for all her beauty was unmarred by the recent violence.

Once he was absolutely certain there was no one left alive to threaten him the Emperor brusquely pushed past the guards he had been cowering behind moments earlier.

"Out of my way, cretins," he said, in his well-practiced 'Emperor' voice.

He marched over to Yoshiko and tried to grab her hand, which she bashfully pulled away.

"Dear Yoshiko, my heart was tumescent with anxiety at the thought of your safety!"

"So your heart is a penis?" asked Yoshiko.

For some unfathomable reason Yoshiko looked away from the Emperor and down at the mutilated woman on the ground.

"Ha!" laughed the Emperor, while all this was taking place "You do keep me on my toes. Why you would want to is beyond my comprehension."

"Oh I'm just shy," said Yoshiko "Because you're so important."

That. Explained. Everything.

"That explains everything!" announced the Emperor "All of your unusual behavior to date is neatly explained by your being overwhelmed by the imposing might of my imperial presence. You are a delicate jasmine bloom rocked by the wind of a storm."

"That's- you figured it all out," said Yoshiko "You really get me."

"You must be sure to work on your shyness, Yoshiko," said the Emperor, very seriously "Your Emperor wills it!"

"I'll... have to assign it as my top priority," said Yoshiko.

The Emperor put his arm around Yoshiko and she stiffened with joy.

Yoshiko shifted her eyes.

"So are you going to get medical help for all the people here? Dr. Kang and Mitzner are still alive and so are some of the guards."

"Oh softhearted Yoshiko," replied the Emperor, warmly "Of course not. These traitors will be taken directly to the dungeon, where they will rot for my pleasure. As is just. The wounded guards all failed me and will be dealt with appropriately."

"I see," said Yoshiko.

"I'm so glad you agree," said the Emperor, and he was glad she agreed.

Yoshiko shrugged her shoulders at the woman on the ground. This bizarre behavior was perfectly understandable given the circumstances of her shyness and the Emperor's aura of imperial majesty.

"Come along, Yoshiko," said the Emperor "Give me your hand! We must find you some new clothes. The ones you have on are dreadfully drab and also have blood on them."

"My hands have blood on them too," said Yoshiko, showing the Emperor.

"Perhaps then you should just follow me," said the Emperor, nodding.

As they left the dining hall Yoshiko turned her head to take one last look at the fallen traitors due to shyness.