Chapter 17

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Niall was mad. Not with Liam for trying to convince him in going to the doctor, but with himself. Why couldn't he just leave the past behind instead of freaking out? He didn't have any right to be so mad at Liam knowing that the older lad was right, he needed to go see a doctor, he needed to be checked out. He couldn't even shower by himself for gods sake.

His thoughts were interrupted when he felt his matress slowly dip in, Harry.

He didn't say anything and neither did Niall. They just stared at the televisionscreen that wasn't even turned on.

It was a comfortable silence for both of them.

"Why?"

It was Harry who broke the silence. It was only one word but both of them knew what he meant.

Trying to avoid the question Niall said "Don't know. It's not like I don't want to go to a doctor, I mean it's not something I like to do but I know I have to, you know?"

Harry hestitated for a minute before responding. "But why won't you let us help you?"

The broken tone in his voice almost made Niall's heart break. He didn't want any person on earth to feel this way because of him. "It's just weird you know? We've barely seen eachother in three years-"

"Don't lie to me Ni. Please."

Niall sighed. "M not lying."

"But you're not speaking the whole truth either. I'm not stupid Niall, something has changed you, you're just good at hiding it." Harry's voice was soft and all Niall could hear was worry.

"You want me to be honest?"

"If you're capable of that, yes please..."

Niall felt his throat thighten when he thought back at it. He never told anyone, didn't find it necessary until he came back. Well he... just a simple note. That was all, hidden between the fanmail but it was there. The one and only proof that Niall could just throw away without anyone noticing, but he didn't. He just couldn't, afraid of what would happen.

Afraid of the nightmares that had plagued him for months. The nightmares that came back because of that note, but he couldn't talk about it. It was too emberassing, too humiliating to tell anyone. He left even his best friends in the dark. He didn't want their pity, he didn't want to seem weak.

He just couldn't tell.

Suddenly Niall felt a bulge of anger raise up in his chest, why did they want to know everything? It's their fault it happened anyways! They could've just prevent it from happening but Liam and Louis had to be busy with their stupid girlfriends and Harry just needed to socialize with everyone in that pub.

Niall couldn't hold it anymore, the feeling of frustration just needed to get out.

Frustration because he just couldn't tell Hazz, he couldn't tell anyone. Didn't they get it?

"You want me to be honest!? Are you serious, are you really serious!? I can't tell anymore, as I said, we've barely spoke in 3 years Hazz. Barely! It's your fault anyways! And you just expect me to spill everything!? Are you really serious? It's your fucking fault!"

A sob broke away from his mouth and the single tear on his cheek suddenly wasn't alone anymore. Niall stormed out of the room as fast as he could with his bruised body, leaving a stunned Harry behind.

He kept running until he bumped into something, someone and fell to the ground.

He just couldn't tell...

LOTS OF LOVE🏳️‍🌈❤

Xx,
Life

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