Chapter 1

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I was born with a pounding heart. A heart that pumps the same red blood as you. The same blood that runs through my veins. The same veins popping out against the pale ghostly color of my skin. I was born on a sweet summers eve, filled with heart and warmth. Most would say me being born human makes me just like everyone else in the world. But this very same thing is what makes me so different. I was a small and innocent, worthy of nothing but love and appreciation. Yet this small innocent who was child filled with wonder and curiosity was born into the dark depths of the shadows of the full moon on that now bittersweet summers eve.

My name is Sabrina. My eyes are the icy blue that matches the dark color of the evening sky in midwinter and long dark brown hair that matches the color of dark chocolate being mixed into a cake batter. I have pale white skin, some say the color of a ghost. My skin is smooth, no bumps no pimples, it is as silky as flower petals. My face is the 'perfect' shape, oval. The only thing that is scientifically wrong with me is that I have an eating disorder, I binge eat. It has been a huge problem in my life but nobody notices it because I and my feelings are hidden away from the rest of the world like that one relative that no one talks to at family reunions.

I walk through the cold and empty streets of my small town, Roseville without a single glance in my direction. I pulled out my dinky little iPod, plugged my black and knotted earbuds into the headphone jack, pressed the power button and I watched as the dark screen came alive illuminating my hand which was just hovering above it. I lifted the small listening devices to my ears and carefully inserted them. I glided my thumb across the glass screen, bringing up my playlists or my "paints" as I like to call them because no matter what piece of music you select, you can paint a whole sea of emotions onto a scene, much like they do in the films. I glide my finger down the selection of paints until I reach the bottom of the list, which is where you'll find my, "stormy piano". This selection of music pieces creates a very vibrant blue color, the kind of blue where it's not sad to look at but instead it fills you with such wonder and thought for the world around you. I like to listen to this playlist when I'm out in town because it allows me to sink into the feeling

I live in the kind of small town where everyone knows everyone and their extended cousins. In this town, everyone tries to maintain the vision of perfection. A synthetic reality is what it is. They shut out and eradicate everyone and everything that does not comply with their idea of perfection. And I'm the one girl with the messed up story that everyone tries their hardest to erase from reality afraid that I'll damage everything encompassing me.

I wasn't born like this, I was born with a seemingly perfect life. A mother and a father, meals on the table and a roof over my head. But good things never last do they? When I was 2 years old my father walked out on us leaving only me and my mom to fend for ourselves. Life was rather okay for a while after that though. I learned my ABC's and 123's and grew up a quiet and caring kid who wanted to solve all the world's dilemmas with her little hands and her mom always there for her. That was until mommy got married to a dangerous man with problems of his own that he carried out on mom. He screamed and yelled out his hatred of the past and present in the place that I once considered secure causing little young me to escape into my imagination where everything was okay for a while and I could be me. Everyone in Roseville realized what had happened to my family, but instead of having any kind of compassion for me they instead blamed it all entirely on me further engraving that I was not good enough. At the age of 7, I already knew I wasn't good enough for the worlds high expectations. 

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