Chapter Thirty Five

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The universe didn't make sense when I was sitting on my lounge, suffering from a crick in my neck and eyes burning from fatigue and it wasn't thanks to my sixteen month old Toddler, or my almost 3 month old Baby Twin's.
Our television was on, but the volume was at a barely there background level.
I had no doubts that throughout the night I'd drifted off for at least a few minutes at a time, hence the pain in my neck, because only once in my life had I literally managed to stay up all night long.
Hayley, Noah and I were fourteen at the time and wanted to try it out.
Ever since, I was always asleep most of the time before the mornings rays began to drift across the dark sky.
I love my sleep.
But when your Fiancé is nowhere to be found and his phone has either been turned off or gone flat, a Girl can't help but worry.
I know that Blayze Riley of all people can look after himself.
But the problem was, where had he been?
Codie and Heath even took a drive to town, so we would at least know if He was drinking away his sorrows.
The farm Hilux and the old Xh Ford Ute where the only vehicles on the property that were unaccounted for, hence the consideration He might have given up on Heath's car and nicked off to the Pub without telling anybody.
But they didn't find him in, or around the Pub.
Codie said they'd kept their mission discreet, only asking a select few people if they'd seen Blayze, but each one swore they hadn't.
He wasn't having drinks at the bunkhouse with Alex and Jake either, because Uncle Lukas went down there to check.
Throughout the night, as the clock's numbers ticked over into morning, but the sky remained dark, I'd become alert upon every noise.
Bandit padding across the floorboards to get a drink made me shoot up in awareness.
Then I realised it was the Dog, not Blayze Home.
At one point I must have been asleep, because I'd thought I'd heard a Ute pull up, but I'd snapped my eyes open only to discover that Zeus was laying on the couch keeping me company and He was snoring particularly loudly.
Frustrated and tired, I'd woken Blayze's American Staffy up and kicked him off the lounge, knowing He knew He wasn't meant to be up there in the first place.
The light of dawn now filtered through our plentiful window space and I groaned, rubbing my tired hands over my even more tired face.
Ir meant I'd had probably no more than an hour or two sleep in total, but broken up, Blayze still wasn't home and from any time now Knox, Brodie, Dale and Luka could start to wake up.
I'm going to need coffee.
I wanted sleep, but knew full well that it wasn't going to happen.
Chances were, if I did try and lay down, when my head hit my pillow I'd either be alerted to a wake up noise from one or more of my Son's, or my mind would keep swirling wondering where the hell Blayze was.
I placed my hands either side of my legs on the couch cushions and pushed my body towards the edge of the lounge.
Azlan, Zeus, Zuke, Bandit and Zera all cracked an eye open and lifted their heads slightly off their bed's as I moved.
"Just Me boofheads."
I muttered, trudging my way around the end of the lounge, aiming for the kitchen.
I heard more than one Canine groan and a few flops of a heavy head land on the Dog beds.

I set the kettle half filled with water onto the pad and flicked the switch to make the water boil, then I turned to the wire drying rack beside the sink and grabbed my mug.
My eyes caught sight of the light blue mug resting upside down beside my own, an assortment of three photos occupying the mug and my heart strings tightened.
Tameron, as well as Luka, was upside down at the moment, grinning, because the mug was resting upside down to dry properly after it's last use.
It was hard to believe that it was yesterday morning that Blayze used the mug last.
What if seeing the mug is too much for him at the moment?
Should I put it away somewhere for safe keeping until He sorts his thoughts out?
Chewing into my bottom lip, I debated my options, making my way over to the side bench to set my own mug now.
I need some caffeine in Me before I can start making decisions...
I wasn't sure that hiding everything Tameron related was the way to go.
But I was 100% positive that the Boy's picture hasn't fallen off our wall in our bedroom.
If I was Blayze, I'd one day regret being so rash in my actions and breaking everything that resembled the boy.
Scooping sugar into my mug after my spoon of coffee, I shook my head.
I'd probably regret doing something like that, but there was no way to know if Blayze would.
I placed my hands palms down on the bench top and thought back to the only other people that I knew Blayze had lost.
There was His Sister, but we now knew that was all just a lie.
I had no idea if He even had anything that had belonged to her Teenage self.
Well before that, He'd lost his Brother, but He'd been four years old at the time, so I highly doubted He'd kept anything that had belonged to Tally.
Quinton wasn't a person, but He was Blayze's first real piece to show He belonged here in Riverston.
I knew that his tack was sitting in the tack shed, unused since the last Rodeo they'd performed at.
But I wasn't sure if that was because Blayze was keeping what had belonged to Quinton, or if there just wasn't yet a reason for another horse to wear it.
Jackaroo was big enough that He would fit it, but Blayze's Horses all had their individual tack sets.
It hit Me like a bitch slap to know that I had no idea what Blayze did to remember those He loved when they were gone.
Swallowing hard, my eyes burning lightly at the back's of them, I turned around to go to the fridge and grab my milk.
Tameron's not dead, Bailey.
I mentally scolded myself.
It just turns out He's not actually Blayze's Son.
I shook my head, grabbing the milk carton out of the fridge door.
I'd just have to wait for Blayze to let Me know how He's feeling.
Hopefully it wouldn't take him too long to do so.

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