12: Insecurities

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Last night, I learned that Wessy's first word was 'baby' and he started to walk right before his first birthday. His favourite foods are hotdogs and chicken pattys with ketchup and mayonnaise and he used to drink bottles upon bottles of milk a day and he hated juice until he turned two.
His favourite Disney movie is Cars and for his first Halloween, Mitch dressed him as a cute little pumpkin. For his second, he was a ninja and for his third, Mitch wanted to dress him as Scooby Doo so we could go as the Mystery Gang from the ScoobyDoo movies.
On his first birthday, Wesley was running and tripped and scratched his arm up so badly that he had a little scar on his elbow from the fall. On his second, he was playing on the jungle gym and Kevin caught him when he tripped off of the slide and nearly tumbled down, saving him from getting seriously injured.
I was excited to learn more about my son, but as Mitch, Kirstie and Kevin talked about the curly haired toddler, I couldn't help but notice the laughs and smiles Mitch and Kevin happened to share.
My boyfriend rolled his eyes and he and Kevin teased each other back and forth and it wasn't until Mitch shook his head and stood, touching Kevin's arm as he announced he was going to check on Wesley inside, did I feel a ting of annoyance inside of me.
At the touch, I felt myself frown. When Kevin glanced back after Mitch, my jaw locked. When I realised Mitch had hardly looked at me during their story telling, I nearly got up and left to cool down. When Mitch returned, Wesley close behind, I was happy to see my son rush over with his toys in hand. I asked him if he wanted to play by the water, only to have him shake his head and say he wanted Kevin to come instead. I didn't want to make a big deal out of it, but it was starting to seem like Kevin is more of a father figure to my kid than I was.
"Isn't he the cutest?" Mitch smiled when Kirstie and Kevin followed Wesley to the waters edge so he could play with his toy trucks.
Mitch's eyebrow quirked and he looked back my way. "What's with the attitude?"
I shook my head, "no attitude,"
"I've known you for eight years, Scott. I know when you're pissed off; what's going on?"
"You're annoying,"
I scoffed, "likewise."
"Seriously. What's wrong?"
I sighed, realising getting jealous of Kevin was dumb and I had no reasoning to it. Mitch wouldn't cheat on me and Wesley is my son so I have no real reason to be upset. I'd be the first to admit that my random bursts of annoyance and anger often came from me being jealous for no reason. I knew Mitch would never cheat on me, so I had no clue why I let myself act so immature.
"Nothing," I shook my head and finally let go of my anger. "Sorry, I'm just crabby,"
"You're telling me,"
"I'm just— I hate that Kevin was here and knew about Wesley and I didn't. I'm not blaming you at all, I'm just mad at myself,"
"I don't know," I admitted, feeling my cheeks warm. "I guess it's because Kevin is more of a dad to Wes- or he has been, I guess- more than I have and that's, like, a hit to my pride. It's so stupid, I know, but I can't get over it,"
Mitch nodded and sat next to me, taking my hand and kissing my knuckles. "I understand you're upset, Scott," he started. "But Kevin will never replace you as Wesley's father- hell, no one will. Wesley is just more comfortable with Kevin because he's known him his entire life. Wesley only met you recently and he's adjusted to you being around and he loves you, it's just he's used to Kevin more. I understand why you're upset, but, if I'm being honest, there isn't anything we can do to stop Wesley from trusting Kevin more."
"I- I know.. and I guess that's what's fucking with me,"
"I know." I rested my head against Mitch's shoulder and he squeezed my hand. "You're Wesley's father and it will take Wes sometime to be completely comfortable with you, but he already loves and trusts you so much. He's a shy kid but to see him love to be around you and ask for you, all of the time, is so incredible. And, if it helps, it took him weeks to fall asleep in the same room as Kevin or Kirstie."
"Yeah," Mitch nodded. "But the night he met you, he fell asleep in your arms. Only a father and son bond can do that,"
"Yeah.. I guess,"
"Look at me?" I lifted my head and Mitch's smile made my heart swell. I felt myself lean into his hug and my smile return when he tightened his hold around me. "But, on a real note," I looked up. "We haven't really confirmed anything, you know,"
"We haven't," I nodded in agreement. "Are you asking or should I?"
He smiled, "I'll ask this time. Scott Hoying, will you be my boyfriend?"
"I mean," I shrugged, grinning when he rolled his eyes. "Sure, why not?" I leaned down and kissed him, his hand on my cheek as I dug the kiss in before pulling back and blushing. "I love you."
"I love you so much, Scott."


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