My Nonexistent Love Story/Skinny Love

#11: Whoa, we're famous

Jason, about half of a school year

For fuck's sake, don't let her fall in love with me! Please, don't let her fall in love. Please...

But I knew that it was already to late for that. Caroline has fallen in love with me, not asking me if I wanted that or not. I'd prefer she didn't. 

Though, it would be interesting to get to know how it feels .. when someone is in love with you. Truly in love.

'Cause I knew too well that Jade wasn't in love with me, her kisses-hugs were simply things-to-do-in-relationship, and sex was just because of the pleasure.

So now I regret that. Maybe I shouldn't have ever started?

Another punch in the boxing bag. Actually I was pretty happy Zack had got a gym here.

At least you you can get away from your thoughts and so. For instance, getting rid of your anger was a good thing.

Talking about Caro again .. ugh. The first reason I was angry at myself, was because I actually knew I liked her, too. No, I didn't start falling in love with her yet - let's stress out the word "yet" -, but you never know when things can happen. Moreover, Jade was kind of Zack's friend, so she knew about all this mafia stuff, and I actually didn't care if she's in danger or not. But in Caro's case I had this very certain feeling, that I have to protect her. I wanted to protect her from everything.

And .. as you could see from her being and talking, she had fallen for me, hard.

So if I simply say "no" to her, it would hurt her really bad and I couldn't bear if she was broken. 

Not because I didn't like that lovey-dovey stuff, but 'cause I wanted to protect her. And who would I have been if I hurt her by myself?

"Whoa, it seems someone has something on one's heart,"

Zack had entered the gym unnoticed.

Speak of the devil and he's just here. Good I didn't say anything out loud.

"Well, tell me then,"

You think he actually cared? Hell he did. He just wanted to know something he could threat me with or made a fool of me later. As I'd said before, Zack had no feelings and he didn't give a shit about anything nor anyone.The only things he cared about were money, girls with who he could spend time when he wanted to and his good position in the Assassins.

Guess that's all.

Instead of answering I just punched the bag once again. You get rid of anger and get in shape as well - what a fantastic combination.

"Hey, what's with that Caro chick?" Zack asked suddenly.

My eyes were wide open and I was glad I had my back at him at the moment.

My brain sent lots of dirty language through itself, which I won't speak out loud, but though How the hell he knows 'bout that? was hammering through my head.

Even though, I sometimes though why I joined that very dangerous "profession", mafia had tough me lots of things. As well as I was always in shape and knew what to do in different situations, I also knew how to pretend and control my emotions in need. This was what I needed the most then.

I left the bag alone and leaned on the bar counter.

"What are you talking about?" I asked carelessly, taking a sip from the bottle of water I took with me. I furrowed my brows.