Peter Parker One-Shots

PETER PETER, YES PAPA • SPRAYEDWITHCRAB ON AO3

Loki waved at Peter and disappeared.

Peter was planning on quietly rejoining his class, but, apparently his Parker Luck was out for him, because an upset Tony Stark rushed up to him.

"What on earth were you doing? Nat got extremely upset that you weren't there for her presentation. Do you understand just how scary that woman can be, kid??" Tony shook Peter. "You better have a good explanation as to why you forced me to deal with that because it was terrifying."

Peter looked at the man with confusion and quickly-growing concern.

"I was out with Loki? I ate a sandwich? What happened, Mr. Stark? What presentation?" Peter watched as Tony's face morphed into one of exasperation.

"You were out with Reindeer Games? Eating a sandwich with that dickwad was worth me getting my ass beat by the Black Widow, a deadly assassin??" Tony yelled, drawing the attention of a few of the interns that were in the lobby.

"Steve Rogers says to watch your language, Boss." Friday's voice spoke, a hint of humour in her voice.

"Tell him to fuck off." Tony deadpanned, flipping the bird at the ceiling. Steve had asked Friday to tell him that every time he swore around Peter. It oftentimes ended with a confused Cap who didn't know/ remember why Tony was cussing him out.

"Look, Mr. Stark, Loki isn't that bad of a guy! He doesn't do things with bad intentions, not really. He just... does whatever he feels like doing. Chaotic neutral, yanno? So whenever he feels like doing something that is considered morally wrong, we do a little walk and talk. He's getting better, I promise. It doesn't happen quite as often nowadays." Peter shifted uncomfortably. "I just want him to be happy? He knows that when he feels like putting a wasp's nest inside of Clint's bedroom it's going to result in bad times for everyone, including him. He doesn't like that. He seeks others' approval, just in a very weird way."

Tony just looked at Peter as sighed. This kid... "Alright. Okay. You win. Stop it with the puppy-dog eyes." he paused. "And quit calling me Mr. Stark while your at it, too. It's bullshit and makes me feel old."

A "Language!" from Friday and a "Sure thing, Mr. Stark" from Peter resonated simultaneously throughout the area. It is unknown which one Tony was responding to when he said "fuck you..." after.

According to Friday, his class was currently on its way to the training room. If he hurried, he could sneak back into the group without anyone noticing.

Using his all-access Delta pass, he got there extremely fast. He caught up to Ned.

"Hey dude." Peter whisper-shouted to him and tapped his shoulder.

"Holy fu-frickity frack on a stick! Peter?!" Ned held a hand to his heart, and then proceeded to slap him. "Don't do that, man!" Peter giggled.

"So, what'd I miss?" Peter inquired.

"Oh, you missed everything. Flash got his ass handed to by Captain America- and it wasn't even intentional! Flash was just all like 'hey Cap, what was high school like for you?' And Cap was all like 'very similar to how it is now, really. You guys still have bullies right? There was tons of those when I was a kid. And being the scrawny, weak kid who was almost always looking for a fight, I got bullied a lot.' and he and the Black Widow went into this big speech about them and how it affects the victims and Flash's face just turned really pale as he eye'd me and where you should've been. Where even were you?" Ned flailed his arms around for emphasis, and forced his voice lower for the Captain America parts.

"I was talking to Loki. I also ate lunch." Peter said, nonchalant.

"You what‽" Ned's eyes bulged. "You were talking to Thor's recently-reformed-but-not-quite brother? How do you two even know each other??"

"Internship perks, I guess. Da- Mr. Stark left to go talk to the rest of the Avengers and because he was in very casual wear, I didn't know that Loki was, in fact, Loki, so I had no clouded preconceptions getting in the way and now we're good friends." Peter stated, as if it was the most obvious thing.

"Good friends with who, the garbage?" Flash butted in after realising Peter was back. "Where even were you, Penis? I think- no, I'm sure you were off sucking more people's dicks to get them to pretend to know you to keep this lie up and running?"

"Hmmm, I can't seem to find it." MJ interjected. The three boys turned to her and questioned, "What?".

"Where we asked for your fucking opinion. Get out of here, Eugene." Michelle looked back down at her book. Peter was 99% you could end every single one of Michelle's statements with the action *mic drop* and it'd fit perfectly.

Flash, unable to respond, huffed and strutted off.

"Thanks, MJ." Peter smiled.

"Don't mention it." Michelle glared back.

The group entered the training area, and a loud voice boomed through the room.

"Welcome, Midgardian children! Do come in! The Black Widow, the Eye of Hawk, and I have much prepared for you today!"