Personal Shopper

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"Oh hi Alice, I am your personal shopper for the day. You can call me Ashley", comes a breathy greeting from a reed thin woman dressed to the nines with her nose up in the air.

I dislike her on the sight. Olsen twins were so last decade. I would be sending her packing now if Sam hadn't already paid the money plus additional charges for her services at the last minute. Now that I got her I might as well use her.

She looks at me with a barely concealed disdain. The fact that I am wearing practical jeans and sport shoes is an offence to her sensibility. According to her I should be wearing 'Break your neck sky high heels' with this season's Prada dress and carrying the latest Gucci handbag.

I am really glad for the presence of Michael/Michelle with me. Who if anything is dressed even more flamboyantly than this 'Call me Ashley'. The fact that he is man not a woman only becomes evident when he opens his mouth. Ashley doesn't like a man giving her a stiff competition in the power dressing department.

I am highly entertained by her extreme discomfort. Michael/Michelle senses her agitation and deliberately gives her a close hug and a kiss on the cheeks. I think he is doing the sound effect for her benefit as well. He can talk in a softer tone of a woman if he wants to.

I accepted the offer of a personal shopper because I can spend only so much time at the mall. I have to attend a meeting at 3pm in the afternoon to finalise the details of the cook off party. As it is I am ordering all the food required for the meeting rather than cooking it myself. The fact of the matter is I am having a small party to organise the bigger event. I am already regretting the half day I spent with Sam's in the bed yesterday. Well I enjoyed it at the time so I can't complain about it now.

I assumed that the shopping trip would be quicker if I use the personal shopper. You know what they say about Assume. That it 'Makes an ass out of you and me'. It looks like I am going to have a long day ahead of me. It's only 10am on the Sunday morning and I am already tired. I should have gone to the mass before coming here. I haven't been to the church for quite some time.

Now that I am here I might as well get on with it. The day is not getting any younger. As it is I treat any shopping trip as a child views a bitter medicine. I try to get away from it as much as I can. If I am forced to do the shopping then I go to the shops with the same enthusiasm as a child feels who has to swallow the medicine after opening his mouth because his nose was pinched.

Believe me I am a normal woman. I like nice clothes as any other woman. It's just that usually my budget is so small that I am forced to look in the discount pile. Then I have to eliminate more than 90% of clothes because of the size. On the rare occasion I find something that fits me I don't like the style of the dress. My lack of height is the reason I prefer dresses over the trousers. Alteration for trousers costs an arm and a leg. I am so petite that sometimes I have to look for shoes in the teenage section of the department store. However clothes made for teenage girls are too tight for me in the bust and hips area. Overall the shopping is a humiliating experience for me.

The advent of the online auction websites is really godsend for someone like me. However I have been burnt couple of times when buying clothes online. I didn't want to take a chance of buying the dress online for the party, an event which would be the official launch of me becoming The Queen of the block. So here I am.

As expected 'Call me Ashley' takes me to the most high end shop she can find. I am really glad for accepting the full payment for the dress from Sam. My budget won't cover even the tenth of the cost for a dress here.

The clothes in the shop are all made for tall and stick thin model types. There is no hope of finding me a dress here. "There are more sizes in the back" the salesperson informs me helpfully. "Are you sure you want to shop here. There is a nice department store right around the corner if you want."

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