Skeleton Reviews

The Scythe of Thorns| -moonlightshadow412

Client: DeannaHellerErskin
Book title: The Scythe of Thorns
Chapters read: Two

Cover: Love the font. It gives off the right vibe for, say, a horror story (especially with the grim reaper and whatnot). I can feel the darkness from your cover on my skin- and I'm blaming it for the goosebumps on my arms.

Your title stands out, although your series name isn't particularly obvious (I refuse to squint. I already do enough of that). A bit of contrast in colour might be nice if you wish to attract more readers.

Advice: Size of the font, please, size of the font. Although, since you've posted a picture of your cover in the Credits section of your book, I won't mind that much.

Summary/Blurb: Second sentence of blurb- remove the 's' from 'attempts'. Third sentence- 'and' used twice consecutively. Rewording would help.

Wrong use of a semicolon in last paragraph, and again in third sentence (should be a colon there).

Otherwise flawless, though not motivating. There's too much left to the imagination to hook my interest- in other words, a bit vague. (Check out Hellhound Summary Shop when it comes out!)

Advice: Rethink your blurb. How much do you want to reveal? The optimal is to give the minimal amount of information required to hook interest, but not give too much information. Think of it like a math problem, where one too many becomes millions of dollars wasted and one not enough is even more money wasted. Find that sweet spot (no hate please for the analogy).

Title: The Scythe of Thorns. Why thorns, though? That's the question I'm asking.

It's poetic, rhythmic on the tongue, but it doesn't make me want to read it. Unfortunately, I cannot pinpoint why, except that it's not giving off an extreme aura of any sort.

Description/Scenery: I'm not even- your descriptions are always terrific, to the point where sometimes I wish I had even a fluid ounce of your vividness. In my opinion, you did a very good job on describing the scenery.

Advice: I don't know. I'll have to wait and find out, right?

Use of literary devices: As always. Plentiful- I was going to say 'halfway overdone', but then I read your update (thanks man, thanks) and now, it's just right.

Advice: I like what you're doing right now, but just remember to keep your poetic side in check.

Sentence flow/pacing: Each sentence flowed very well- almost each sentence.

If you combine 'nothing stirred, not even a mouse' and the sentence after it into one ('Nothing stirred, not even a mouse- for the mice had hidden in the darkest corners and huddled together to escape the increasing cold'), it'll flow better. Sentence four of paragraph three could be reworded better. Just saying.

Sentences seven and eight of the third paragraph might also need some work- a bit of an improper usage in sentence eight (I've never seen 'none the wiser' being used like that... or that's my ignorance), and seven's a bit of a sentence fragment.

As for pacing... as long as you don't spend as much time describing this setting as you did in the prologue (short, sweet, to the point-- my advice on literary devices + scenery), you should be fine. It is just the prologue after all; it has a different set of rules (though your blurb promised a young man as a protagonist...).

Advice: Watch out for awkward wording.

Originality: it's only the prologue, can I not judge yet? (whines)

Characters:
Antagonist: I don't know, so I'm just going to put The Mouse for the heck of it.
Protagonist: Ah, yes. Our lovely 'Young Man' who we still don't know.
Sides: Death? Question mark? Not introduced yet.

Grammar: Okay. One mistake so far- second paragraph, last word of last sentence- should be 'sang' instead of 'sings' (everything else is in past tense, that's why).

Advice: Just go back and change that one error. You'll be good.

Realism: that was one heck of a beautiful snowy day in Salem, Massachusetts, no? I can't really determine yet, since it's just the prologue and Death is only vaguely mentioned... though 'ho ho ho' sounds more Christmas-sy than, erm, I'ma-take-your-soul-y.

Anything else: I like how you gave credit for everything, and introduced the reader to a bit of yourself before the prologue. Very professional. However, I do have an issue with your formatting- your paragraphs are a bit larger than optimal on my laptop's screen. Say that I'm coming back from school and I decide to read your book. The moment I set my eyes onto the prologue, I'm struck by the uncanny resemblance to one of my hardest class's textbook (it has tiny text, large blocks of words, and I just want to throw it into the shredder).

Yeah. That's not... really... comforting.

First impressions- Generally good. Professional. Generally I divide Wattpad writers into three levels: Lower, Middle, and Upper. Your book made it into an Upper level feel.

Tone- It's peaceful, but it's threatening at the same time. So far, I like it.

Word choice- Superb. A+ on that one.

Character development- Nonexistent. But that's fine for right now. You're on the right track.