letters | h. renjun; wang yiren ✓

「 FOURTEEN 」

dear yiren,

it's funny how people usually appreciate someone else only when they're gone, like what i'm doing now. in the past, i used to take you for granted, used to think that you would be around whenever i called out, that you would forever be my friend and we would grow old together and still be the best of friends.

apparently not.

now, all i think about is you, wang yiren. just thinking about the fact that whenever i call you or message you now, you would never, ever, answer or reply makes tears well in the back of my eyes. i spent nights crying over you, relieving our memories together and staring at every picture of you, not wanting to forget the curves of your beautiful face, your glimmering, round and pretty eyes, and basically everything about you.

i would never forget how your voice sounds like, like a beautiful piece of music, sooth-sounding and pleasing to the ears, and your handwriting, your loopy, scrawly, small handwriting.

and most importantly, the memories and experiences we had together, like for instance, when you first had your menustration and told nobody about it except me, because you trusted me, and even made me run to the convenience store to buy the pads for you during lunch because you were scared of the people who were going to see the red blood stain on your skirt whenever you left your seat. even though i knew i would be seen as a weirdo, i still bought those pads for you and you were so grateful to me.

and then there was another time, when i asked you out to a movie, 2 months or so ago, and we happened to be watching a horror movie. i still remembered you digging your head in the hollow base of my chest and clinging to me, refusing to watch the movie you were scared of.

my heart was fluttering when you did that, and i couldn't help but blush, but thanks to the dim lighting, you couldn't see it.

and you know, i read all your unsent letters i found on the table in the hospital, placed there by your brother jackson, and i finally found out the real reason why you slapped me that day.

im sorry,,

all along you thought that i was dating herin, but in fact, i wasn't. we were just close friends, and i kissed her that day because she wanted me to; she claimed that she was in a bad mood and she wanted me to cheer her up by doing that. it turned out that she liked me too, and even confessed to me, but i rejected her, because of you, wang yiren.

you think i didn't like you back either?

you were wrong, so very, very, wrong. i liked you too, with all my heart, and you were the only person who held an important place in my heart. the only person who could comfort me with just your voice and weird antics and smile, the only person who made me feel special, like the happiest person on earth.

i was heartbroken when you abruptly said that you didn't want to be friends with me again, and even slapped me in front of everybody. i was thinking all the time what i had done wrong.

and when you blacked out during physical education? i was worried, frantic, and almost went crazy with worry.

for you.

and when you confessed to me, i had a reason for rejecting you, because. . .i had a heart disease and i didn't want to leave you heartbroken or make you suffer with me if i suddenly leave this world. i didn't want you so attached to me.

another funny thing is how, only when i rushed into the hospital room, found you lying on the bed, while i was all right because of you, did i realize i loved you. not just like, but love.

it was all because of you did i manage to recover from the disease, because you donated your heart to me, without my consent or your parents'. i blame myself every night for what happened to you, and it was a fact that if you hadn't known me since we were kids, you wouldn't be. . .

dead.

im sorry i never replied to your messages when you texted me about what happened to me when i didn't turn up to school, and who knew those would be the last few messages i'd ever receive from you again.

and im sorry i never told you “i love you” or kissed you when you were alive.

im sorry, for everything, for being a jerk to you, for causing you to have left the world so soon.

but, nevertheless,

i love you too,

我爱你。

from,
renjun.

— ♥ —

omg yay this story is finally over, and sorry to all yiren stans, including myself : (

but thank you for all your support, and im just curious, out of 10 points on how well this story was written or how much you liked it, please rate it!! i would actually kinda give myself a 7? or 6?

♥♥♥