Rule Number Thirty-Four: Being the bigger person has never been easy.
The bar was slow for a Friday night, my mind wandering to the thought of retiring to my loft upstairs.
It was a cold fall night and with the leaves fluttering outside. It made me think of this time last year. The same time that my father found me, and pleaded for me to come home.
It was the first time I declined his offer. But the second time resulted in a plane ticket because Tom was getting married. Their engagement party being that January.
My mind couldn't fathom that it had almost been a full year since I began fucking up Ana's life. After leaving the hotel room months ago, she never left my mind.
I'd never made love before and haven't since. In the past, I'd thought I had, but looking back on it I knew that wasn't the case.
Sex with Ana was incredible, emotions brought to actions. And both of our emotions were too high, too real.
Seeing her laying their fast asleep after repeating the same act numerous times. I realized I couldn't do it. I had been lying to myself, I had no idea I felt this way.
And I didn't deserve it. I didn't deserve to know what true affection felt like. I'd never been good enough for her. The novelty of being her husbands out of control brother that she was having an affair with would lose its thrill.
I couldn't be someone's mistake again. Rose used me too, for gain in her criminal acts. Genie used me to fill a void that her husband left. Both of those incidents made me the person I was today and I was a horrible person.
Tom didn't deserve to have his wife taken from him. I didn't like him, still, and I wasn't sure if I ever would. To me, he was a pretentious little shit that I was sure didn't like me as half as much as he said he did.
But that didn't change the fact that no one deserved to be made a fool of.
I was a coward for running, I knew that. And the decision would probably haunt me for the rest of my life. My mind would be filled with what-ifs and that was normal.
It was the worse mistake I had made. But for once it was based on what was good for other people and not myself. And I had to score points for at least that.
I was causing myself pain so others wouldn't have to.
A familiar face came into the bar and I stopped my mundane task of cleaning glasses. It was one of my old school mates, he had moved from New York to Chicago after his parents split.
"Long time no see" he smiled as he made his way up to the wooden countertop.
"Carter, how are you?" I returned his smile.
"The world couldn't be better Harry my lovely wife just gave birth to a beautiful baby boy" his face beamed and he was so incredibly proud.
The pit of my stomach turned, nothing sounded worse than knowing your peers had gotten their shit together. Marriage, with a baby and probably a great job.
I still wasn't sure if that's what I wanted but it sounded better than what I was currently doing.
"Congratulations!" I added. Grabbing some tequila, I offered an on the house shot to celebrate.
"What about you Harry, what are you doing?" He winced from the burn of the bitter alcohol. His eyes crinkling at the sides.
"This is it. Working at a bar" I tried to sound hopeful but my heart wasn't in it. There was nothing wrong with being a free spirit with a simple life. But I felt as if I were falling in reverse.
"Really?" He asked bewildered "You were always so creative. With good looks and all of your dad's money, I was sure you'd have this incredible life".
In a way I had, the numerous models and upcoming actresses that I had loved and left would put a majority of men's war stories to shame. The places I'd seen and the emotions I'd felt were some of the greatest things to experience.
I sadly laughed "It started that way and now it's just kind of bleak".
Letting me know his drink order, I came back with something for him. And when I arrived he had a certain look on his face.
"My wife's a fashion designer, and she's been searching for someone to use for her campaign. She needs a man, would you do it?" He asked curiously.
I was flattered and should've jumped at the opportunity but my conscience got the best of me. It would be good until I fucked up, and then it would be horribly bad.
"You'd be nothing but the best" he interrupted my swirling thoughts.
And without thinking about it anymore I agreed, "Sure".
The bar stayed open until the wee hours of the morning. And soon I retired back to my flat upstairs. It was nothing special hipster-esque and industrial in style.
My phone lay alone on my nightstand. And out of habit I checked it. Silently hoping that a text came from her. But it never came, she had too much dignity.
I couldn't blame her and although I didn't fully regret my choice it still hurt.
I'd always thought of myself first, I never did the right thing. And I couldn't explain why it hurt so badly to give someone what they really needed. A life away from me.
This is a little shorty to show what Harrys up to. As part of character development, I wanted Harry to finally have his thing. Something to be good at. I hope this doesn't feel super out of place or random. But they will be together once again :)
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HARRY STYLES AU Ana's problem was the fact that somehow over her twenty-three years of living, she had become the most unlucky person alive. Living in a world of perfection, that never works in her favour, she's come to grips with the fact that lif...