LETTERS TO REALITY ✓

FROM TAEHYUNG

Nine - From Kim Taehyung

After all these years, I'm writing to you again.

Do you remember how I used to write to you? I used to say, it'll help me improve my English and express my love for you.

I wonder if you kept my letters.

Damn Serenity, at least give me credit for inspiring you to write these love letters.

I send a reply because I love to write. So, here's a big fat letter from me, your ex who turned out gay.

Crazy isn't it? Can't forget me. Do you think if I wasn't gay, we'd still be together?

There are so many what-ifs.

How have you been? I know that the letter I received is a letter you wrote a long time ago. I wonder if you sent them on purpose. I bet drunk Serenity sent them and is now going bonkers.

If you are going bonkers, loosen up! Don't overthink. I hope this reply doesn't worsen your state... Oh well. I'm here to write and say I miss your presence, I'm being honest.

I will be honest throughout this letter.

We may not have ended well or got closure, but I still believe that what we had was enjoyable and gratifying. You taught me, and I taught you things, so I'll always cherish that.

I'm guessing you feel the same way because of the letter.

Also, I miss you calling me squishy too.

Wow! This letter is a mess. It's so unorganised and I'm disappointed in myself Serenity.

So, I have your letter in front of me, a pen in my hand, the sound of laughter is heard, the smell of my candle in the room and I'm about to finally be serious and respond whilst tearing out my emotions from the past.

But I'm good. I'm much better and more comfortable with living with myself. I'm having more happy days than bad days.

Are you? How are you? Do you still have tea at an ungodly hour of the morning? Do you still spend way too long in the shower? Do you still laugh until you cry? Do you still love spicy noodles? Do you still love being picky about prices?

I hope you're okay because I'd love to meet happy Serenity.

Our first meeting makes me laugh too! It's crazy how you remember the moment so well (my hair is now a dark brown). But I remember the first time I saw you. Your delicacy stood out to me- your curtailed hair, flashing eyes and an aura that reflected contentment. You were holding hands with your siblings as they dragged you around the amusement park. Your facial expression made me amused because you seemed frustrated, with furrowed brows and a tight smile as you passed people. You were wearing a denim jacket and when we made eye contact- our smiles matched each other's as you stopped in front of me.

Ever since that day, we became closer and closer.

I'll tell you something, I had questioned my sexuality even before we started to date. So, I really shouldn't have asked you to be my girlfriend, because it's unfair to you that I was having these clashing thoughts. I thought maybe dating a girl would help.

But it didn't, did it? I got caught in the worst way by doing something so unlike me. I wish I was honest about my feelings because you're open-minded, benevolent and kind, you would've understood. I didn't mean to cheat.

I feel disgusted when I remember what I did and I'm still sorry. I never wanted to hurt you; you were so paramount to me.

And I guess to Jungkook too.

You were a hypnotising beauty. It's like the moon holds your attention and you know it's glowing aura is wrapped around you and keeping you there.

We were best friends, so intimately. I'm sure we still would be. Light kisses, your arm around me or holding my hand. Compliments and gifts are what you loved giving. You'd tease me physically by tickling me unexpectedly. You were always there for mental support and that's another hit to me, realising that I should've been honest with you, but we all have trust issues.

You were a bookworm. I'd always want your attention when you'd focus on the words on a page, but I guess it all helped because look at the way you write.

Divine.

You'd spend most of your days chilling with me, you lying in bed with a book, my head on your lap and craving your attention as I stroked your skin with the back of my warm hand, your hair in my curls.

You were always indecisive. You played mind games but came across as innocent. You remind me of sweet smiles and tender hands. You wore a lot of sweaters and aesthetic glasses. You'd take pictures of random objects and swore you'd be nothing someday, that you're just average... Yet I'm sure you're still brilliant.

We'd make up after our fights. We would solve our problems together and then laugh at how ridiculous our fights were.

Gosh, you were always so reliable and faithful. You'd love to chit chat and you'd only love those who love you, which makes sense. You. You were the daydreamer. You'd often get angry, you'd lie but never fake it, you were secretive and sometimes you'd get sentimental. You were always an independent person.

Your loyalty reminded me that I could always depend on you. You understood me. Even when I cheated on you, you weren't filled with fury... You cared for me, still loved me and I can tell clearly from the letter. You did the right thing.

Harmony at home is vital for you to sustain a harmonious heart and mind, therefore you would do everything within your power to protect, nourish, and maintain a close connection with your loved ones which probably stresses you out more than usual, as you'd analyse your own analysing. I'm so honoured to have been one of your past loved ones.

At times you could seem quite harsh on the surface, but that would usually just be a guard for your soft, placid and highly sensitive interior. You were always compassionate, and you'd prefer to look at all sides of any situation to find balance. I really miss you now.

Overall, you would always like to keep everyone happy, and you would sacrifice your own needs to ensure that everyone around you was provided for. Just like Jungkook.

I hope you smiled during my letter the way I smiled during yours.

I'd love to see you again, catch up you know? I just want to see you. So please come to my son's birthday party celebration. Don't decline it the way you declined my wedding invitation.

I wish we were still a part of each other's lives.

Thank you for sending your heartfelt letter because it made me send my reply to you and maybe this exchange will make us a part of each other's lives again.

Best wishes, Yours Tae x