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Bucky

My name. What was my name? For years I was always just Solider, or Him. What the hell was my name...

The people on the bridge. I knew them. I knew that man. I knew that girl. Why did I know them? Why was it so hard for me to take orders when I looked at them? All I could hear was that man screaming. " Its us!"

Steve. His name is Steve. Her name was Marilyn. Names always meant nothing to me. I've known her name for a while now. She was the one I had to kill. They never told me why. They said make it slow. Make him see it. They said it would break him down, and we'd come back to power. HYDRA always wanted power. The more for them, the more missions I'd be told to complete.

That wasn't why her name wasn't stuck to me. Her name felt like it was somewhere deep. Like a tree that was planted thousands of years old, it's roots digging so deep into me that no one could dig it out. Have I killed someone close to her? Has she been in the way of a mission? There's no way. I'd have killed her. She would have disappeared from the fact of the earth. Marilyn Rodgers wouldn't exist.

I heard screaming in the back of my mind. Her voice. Not as strong as the one I heard today. A scared voice of a scared girl. She screamed that name. Bucky. I had never heard it before. Bucky. Bucky Barnes. Was he someone I killed?

" Solider." Someone said.

I looked up, " Again?"

The doctor nodded. It never ended, ever.

***

Marilyn

" How's your wrist?" Steve asked as we walked through the woods.

" In pieces, but I feel it healing." I shrugged, " He snapped it pretty good."

" Are we not gonna talk about it?"

" What is there to talk about, Steve?"

He sighed, " I'm worried about you, you said we have to kill him."

" You think I want to?" I snapped, " I'd rather kill him than have him live like this. He doesn't remember anything. Not us. Not his family. He's brainwashed and being forced to kill people. Do you think Bucky wants that?"

Steve was quiet, but finally found the right words, " He wouldn't kill you. He wouldn't give up on us. That's our Bucky, Mar. That's our family. We don't give up on family."

" What can we do? HYDRA has his hooks in him deep. We don't even know if we can bring him back."

" We probably can't. But we have to try."

I stared at him, " If I was trying to kill you. If I had decades of assassinations behind me, training beyond anything you can imagine, and a Nazi organization behind me, and I was hunting you, would you try and get me back?"

" Until the day I died."

Was I being selfish? Was I trying to find the easy way out? I wish Bucky died decades ago, but here he was, in front of me, and I wanted to kill him.

" We'll get him back." Steve said, " I swear."

We came to a huge industrial building. Maria swung the door open letting us inside. " Nat are you okay?"

" Marilyn's boyfriend shot me."

" Bucky is..." The words caught in my throat.

" Really, Nat?" Steve said bitterly.

" I've been living in fear of the Winter Solider for years of my life, to find out today he was some sap in Brooklyn who used to take your sister dancing."

" As if that's her fault." Steve moved in front of me.

Natasha rolled her eyes, " Save the speech, Rodgers. Of course it isn't her fault. You two were over a decade on ice before they even broke him down. He's only been killing since '68, the middle of the Cold War. I didn't expect him to be 27, though."

" 28." I whispered.

" Lets keep moving, get that wrist checked out." Maria insisted.

We walked for a little, passing a white sheet. " Maria, you're really gonna walk them right past me?"

" Nick?" I said, eagerly pulling back the curtain.

It was hard to not pull him in to a hug, as he was very beat up. I felt my eyes welling, " You... he killed you?"

" It's hard to put a dog like me down." He said, taking my hand, " Its good to see you, sweetheart."

" How are you alive?"

" During surgery, they injected me with something that slowed my heart so I was basically dead. I had to get off HYDRA's radar. With me dead and you being hunted, they didn't see much of a threat. So lots of my inside people have been filtering information to me. Lots about your boyfriend."

" He isn't..." I said, " What about him?"

" Mostly how they keep him on the leash. Keep those thoughts of your pretty face locked away. He's a nameless weapon to them, and he feels he's nothing more than that. Everyone at S.H.I.E.L.D is terrified of him."

" They should be." Nat said, " We have to take him down before we end all of this."

" No." I said, " I won't kill him."

" Why not?"

" He's family." I said, " Bucky is still there. I know it. Leaving him to those people... it's the worst thing I can do. He's run through gunfire to save my ass. He's carried me as I was bleeding out in front of me. I'd be dead if he hadn't saved Steve and I as many times as he did."

" Look at yourself, Marilyn. That's not Bucky. Your nose is sideways. Your bleeding, bruised and now have the words biggest weak point HYDRA knows of."

I reached up, resetting my nose, " 1 problem solved, 3 to go."

Nat stared at me. I knew she was scared. So was I. It was a theory that Bucky was still in there. But its all I had at this point. She finally nodded.

I looked at Steve, " Ready to have my back again?"

" Its the last thing I want, but I'm always ready."

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