Chapter 50 - why are you so nice to me ?

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When we arrived at the basketball court, Ethan helped me getting out of his car and we slowly walked our way to the bleachers.

There were a lot of people there, I recognized Sam's best friend, Adam, family. I thinks they came to my apartment a couple of times to pick him up so that's why I know them. I've never liked Adam, Mom always said that he had a bad influence on Sam. But thinking about it now, he is maybe just a normal kid who happens to be different from us, it doesn't mean that he is a bad person.

Judging people without plenty knowing them is a commun thing. We see someone, they seems different from us, they seems to think differently and do things the way we would have never done them. And that scares us, that makes us dislike someone for no real reasons.

And that's scary thinking about it...

How many people hates us ?


When Ethan and I finally found a seat, I sat next to him and patiently we waited for the basketball players to arrive.

I was feeling like time was passing so slowly.

A very high pitched sound was echoing in my ears, and sometimes I wasn't able to see anything.

It was like falling from a cliff in slow motion.

Suddenly I felt a pressure on my shoulders and that brought be back to reality.

Ethan had put his arms around me.

"Have you seen Sam ?" He asked me.
"Not yet." I responded.
"He's right there." He told me, pointing at the field.

Indeed, Sam was already there but I had not seen him coming.
He was wearing his purple team outfit and was doing warmups with the other team members.

They were running and jumping and laughing with each other. I think I've never see Sam so happy in my entire life. He had a genuine smile on his face, not one of those he put on his face to make my mom less worry.

I'll never see this smile on his face again, I'm going to leave New York and I have the feeling that I'll never come back.
I just know it.

I don't really know how to feel right now. Everything is so confused in my head.
If Ethan's arm wasn't around me right now I would probably still be stuck in my head, between pain, dreams, memories and cancer.

I can feel a hot tear running down my cheek.

I watch the game but I slowly can't feel my body, I'm like under anesthesia, yet I'm still conscious.
The part of my body where Ethan's arm is resting on feels like it's on fire, and the kiss I felt him give me on the temple felt like an electroshock.

But I can't move.

My vision gets blurry.

It feels like I'm drowning.

I feel myself slowly disconnecting from the world.

"Mao." I suddenly hear a deep voice say.

And I went brutally back to reality.

"Shit we shouldn't have come I knew this was a bad idea. Are you gonna throw up ?" Ethan said panicking after realizing what was happening.
This wasn't the first time it happened.

"No, I want to stay, I need to see the game." I told him.
"Mao you can't. You've seen enough, now we need to get you out of here and get fresh air."

He took my head in his hands to force me to look at him in the eyes.

"Mao. You are going to pass out in any seconds if we don't get out of this place. You can't be put in so much stress with all those people around you and you need to breath air."

I think I started crying but I can't remember if this was real. I couldn't feel my body, Ethan was right.

"Sam is gonna be so disappointed."
"Sam is gonna be happy you're still alive. He knew you would not make it through the whole game. At least you saw him today, tell you that."

Ethan took me in his arms, excusing himself as he made his way through the crowd.
My head was pressed against his chest and I could feel his heart beating.
I could feel my eyes starting to roll back.

Stay focused, Mao.


Please breath.

Don't you dare pass out, or worse, in his arms.

Don't you dare.

Focus on something.

His heartbeat.

Focus on it.


After what seemed like an eternity, Ethan and I finally got out of the gymnasium.
It was dark outside but we couldn't care less.

"You're okay, she's okay, you're okay, she's okay..." I heard Ethan whisper to himself as he was walking with me in his arm to his car.
I don't know for how long he has been repeating that, but I slowly started to hear and feel things again.

"E..." I murmured.
"Don't fall asleep, you need to stay awake Mao."

I nodded.

"Why are you so nice to me ?" I asked him suddenly, my head still pressed against his chest.
"That's good, keep talking to me, stay awake." He said, don't unswerving my question.

"Why are you so nice to me ?" I asked again.
"Okay we are here." Ethan told me as he opened the door of the car and carefully sat me in the passenger seat.

He closed the door and made his way to the conductor seat.
Once he was in the car he started it and started to drive.

"Ethan..." I murmured.

He looked at me for a second and then focused back on the road.

"Yes ?"
"Why are you so nice to me ?" I asked once again.

He said nothing for a few seconds, probably thinking about what to answer.

"Well..." He started, "because you are the smartest, most beautiful and weird person I've ever met in my life. And because I love you."


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