15- Heavy

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🎶 Am holding on,
why is everything so heavy
Holding on, there's so much
more than I can carry 🎶

Clement left a few minutes ago, not before making sure I was okay.

Right now I was tucked up in bed and gazing at my ceiling. Counting sheeps is meant to help me fall asleep but all I can see is the dainty sheeps dancing tango in my vision.

i really really need this sleep, waking up before my alarm has not been helpful at all.

I gave a loud long sigh and continued.

"one sheep, two sheeps, three shee-" I was removed from my numerics by my specific ringtone for a specific person.

Unknowingly, a smile landed on my lips as I answered the phone call.

"Okay, so spill, how was your day?" and that was how she began the conversation.

" Youu call at really odd times you know" honestly, she always calls when something's happened.

"meh, it's instincts" I could even hear her shrug.

"oh- kay" I sarcastically said and I poured out everything to her.

  Every detail of my day.

" Wow " was all she said after my rant.

" Wow?, did I do anything wrong? I shouldn't have hugged him should I? I'm an idiot" I said slapping my forehead with my palm, technically increasing my headache.

" Jeez, calm down, when I said wow, I meant, wow, do you realize you sound happy?"


  Happy?? was that what this feeling is about? happiness?

"I mean, this is the happiest I've ever heard from you since you left"

" Really? I'm that miserable?" I asked evoking a laugh from her.

"Don't you feel different?" She asked with a tinge of happiness

"I have this weird feeling in my stomach that's making me feel like I'll soon give up my lunch"

"Gosh, are you that oblivious?, you're happy air head"

"I am?"

   Is she right? I'm actually happy? after all these years of pain I don't even know how happiness feels like.

"heck yeah you are, and let me give you another info that will burst your bubble of happiness" she's beginning to sound really cunny.

"ehm... should I be curious or I should act like I don't care?"

"you're a girl... durh you're meant to be curious" she literally just rolled her eyes right now.

"okay, so... tell me?" she laughed at my efforts again. Yeah... I suck.

" Sweet sweet Iris, okay here it goes... dramatic pause... are you still there?"

"yes I am"

"alright..... so I'm traveling with my mom to see my new family"

"uh-okay, good for you" I tried to sound enthusiastic for her but that was not at all the bubble bursting happiness I expected.

"don't worry, with time you'll understand"

"alright then. Hey thanks for calling"

"are you crazy woman? I should be thanking you for answering my call"

I laughed at her childishness and kept a little silent on the phone because I felt there's something I'm forgetting to tell her.


i forgot to mention Meredith to her.

"Megan? you still there?" I piped into the phone.

"yup and always at your service"

"Megan there's something I forgot to tell you" biting my lower lip and waiting for her reply.

"uhun, and that is?"

"I, I uh-, I met this girl, Meredith? yeah she's cool and all and she wants to be friends. I'm not replacing you, I mean if you tell me to forget about her I would-" babbling and she cut me off


"yeah?" I'm chewing on my five fingers right now.

"Meredith is a girl?"


"and she wants to be friends?"


" and you're enjoy her company?"

" maybe"

A few seconds of silence that almost killed me.

"Megan say something, please"

And she screamed, she screamed so loud I actually thought I unknowingly put my phone on speaker.

"err- are you good?" please let her be okay.

"of course am good, Iris you're finally making friends and you're happy, why wouldn't I want that for you?"

"I thought you'd feel I'm replacing you"

"replacing me? Iris I have always had tons of friends but did anyone replace you?"

" I don't know, I'm not there anymore "

"well hear me when I say no. No freaking one did. So I believe the same for you."

"You really trust me that much?"

" Of course I do, you'll always be my best friend baby girl"

" Thank you so much" I could cry right now but I know she wouldn't approve of it.

"You're welcome love. hey I told you to hang in there didn't I?, I told you to hold on, no matter how much situations wanna make you lose it, you should hold on. And it finally paid off. You're finally happy" I'm sure she's feeling like a proud mama bear at the moment.

  But I couldn't stop it anymore, a tear slipped and I chuckled into the phone while wiping the tear away.

"I am aren't I?" I asked

" Of course you are, and I'm fucking proud of you"

" Goodnight Megan" I told her after letting out a yawn.

" Go to bed Penelope"

"wha-? that's not even my name".

" I know, night sugar "

I laughed once more and ended the call.

  Her words resonated in my ear and I couldn't stop myself from smiling a bit.

I held on and it paid off.

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