Chapter 37: Eventually

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"You're just the same as your mother. You're nothing but a burden.You're worthless." The voice echoed in the midst of the low rumbling noises from the brewing storm. Everything was blurry, my tears stinging my eyes. I looked up to see where the familiar voice originated.

"Dad...no...no...no please." I whimpered.

My knees gave up on me. Throat tightening, my body froze in terror. Merciless, the shadowed figure, slowly drew back the empty liquor bottle in his grasp. His eyes glinted of pure malevolence. The thunder crashed, out of instinct, I used my frail, trembling hands to shield myself and brace the unbearably agonizing pain.

You're nothing but a burden. You're worthless.

He's repeated the same words every day.Every hour. Every minute. Every time he sees me. Those words pierced through my heart. The words echoed in my mind, again and again and again. So much that I started to question myself. That I believed the words that came right out of his mouth.

I am a burden. I am worthless. I hate myself. I want to die.

I saw a jolt of lightning out the window, but I didn't hear the booming thunder. Instead, I heard a gentle, faint voice, calling my name.

"-me."

"-yame."

"Ayame."

I lifted my head up to see a tall, blonde guy. Confused, I looked around me, papers are scattered on the floor as the others are in deep slumber, passed out from exhaustion.

"You were mumbling in your sleep. If you're so tired, use the bed, not the desk. It's there for a reason." The blonde crouched down to my eye level as he squinted his eyes to focus on me. "Oi. You have tears in your eyes. Are you alright?"

This guy gets to see me at my weakest again. Great.To maintain my calm facade, I feigned a smile. "Yeah." He raised his brow at me, and lifted his right hand up to my cheeks. He pinched it. He pinched it hard. He did the same to my left cheek, and started to stretch my face as he spoke.

"You're lying.Stop making that face. It's annoying and ugly. I'm not letting go unless you tell me what's wrong."

"Ita! I get it! I'll tell!" I half whispered, he lets go of my cheeks and waited for my response as I rubbed my sore cheeks. I sighed and stared at the floor, refusing to look at his face.

"I used to get these bad dreams about Yamamoto-san. You know, the night he did that."I paused to lift up my bangs, revealing a deep scar. "The nightmares stopped coming since I joined the club, but earlier it came back. I thought I was healed from getting those nightmares. But I guess I'm not."

He didn't know how to respond to it. I don't blame him though, I wouldn't know how to comfort myself either. Instead, he stared at me intently, his expression softened, as I continued to read my biology notes. Silence filled the air. Finally he spoke.

"It's two in the morning. Go to sleep."

"After getting that nightmare, I can't. Even if I try. So I might as well as make the best use of it to study."

He sat down on the sofa and leaned his head on his hand, using the armrest as he continued to stare at me. "Well then. I'm not sleeping unless you do."

"You're so troublesome."

"So are you."

I furrowed my eyebrows at his remark, but then again he has a point. I need to sleep, I have a five hour shift tomorrow. But how? Ah. I got it.

I grabbed the nearest sofa cushion and plopped it on Tsukishima's lap. Then, I laid my head on top of it, with my body comfortably positioned on the couch. My actions took the blonde by surprise, so he flinched.

"Don't move so much. I'll get dizzy."

"Wh-What the hell do you think you're doing?" He stuttered as he looked down at his lap, his honey brown eyes meeting mine.

"My brother used to do this to me whenever I get bad dreams, and I fall asleep. Maybe it'll work if I use you as a substitute."

"Am I some kind of science experiment?" I ignored his rhetorical question and repositioned myself so that I can see his face.

"Oh. Yeah. Tsukishima, what brand of headphones do you use?"

He raised his brow curiously at me, "Sony, why?"

"As you know, lighting and thunder trigger my bad memories, so I wanna buy one to use it whenever it - ita!" My response got interrupted by his hands pinching my cheeks again.

"You're wasting money. It rarely storms here anyways." He lets go of my cheeks, his eyes averting my gaze,and focused on the bookshelves instead, "you can just use mine if you need it."

I beamed brightly at his offer. Though Tsukishima's and my brother's personalities are two ends of the opposing thread, they still share one trait: they don't hate me. That's good enough for me. The blonde's face seems to be red, though I'm not sure due to the dim surroundings, the only source of light is the faint glowing of the moonlight through the windows.

"Thanks. I'll pay you back somehow."

The boy took the opportunity to tease me. "Maybe a goodnight kiss?"

"Nope."

It was after then when my eyelids felt heavy. I don't know why, maybe because other people are here with me right now, maybe because I'm not alone anymore, or maybe because this guy is there whenever I feel helpless, but I get the feeling that I'll heal.

Maybe not right now, but eventually, I'll heal.

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