Dana's Point of View
"Another glass of martini, please," i asked for another order.
After the talk i had with Andy, i went straight to some random bar. I need to clear my mind. I had plenty of drinks but i'm still sober. Fvck. Kaya nga ako pumunta dito para makalimot tapos pati yun hindi ko pa magawa?! I'm doomed. And messed up.
After i finished drinking, i called our driver to drive me to my condo. I know myself that i can still drive but i won't take the risk. I won't take the risk of dying because of some petty reason: driving under the influence of alcohol. What a lame excuse. After all that i have been through, i will just die because of that pathetic reason? The heck!
When i got to the condo, i went to the convinient store in our building first to buy something to drink. Yeah, i know i'm a drunkard. I went straight to my unit after that. I don't want to go home because i'm pretty sure mom will ask me hundreds of questions and i absolutely have no patience for that as of now. I will drink 'till i can barely think straight, 'till i already lost track of time.
I can't understand myself.. I did the right thing, right? Tama naman na tinigil ko na, di ba? I don't want to continue things na alam ko naman na walang patutunguhan.. I care for Andy. We've been friends for almost three years..
I should've have done this before pero hindi ko ginawa kasi natatakot ako.. Natatakot akong saktan si Andy. Pero nung ginawa ko na kanina? Fvck! I can't even look at him.. Everytime i see him cry, it hurts me. It kills me. I know Andy, hindi siya umiiyak basta basta. Ako lang naman ang iniiyakan niya. I should be proud but i can't.. Why would i be proud kung alam ko na sa tuwing umiiyak siya, ako yung dahilan?!
I looked at the picture beside my bed, Cy and me, smiling.