Letters to Dad

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Dear Dad,
I know it's been a long time since we've spoken. 10 years now actually. I don't think you remember much of me, but I remember you. After you left, after you gave up on me, I went into a really dark place. Dad I don't think you know how much I blamed myself for you leaving me. I thought it was my fault that you left. I know you'll never see this, and I doubt you'd care. I still cry for you in my sleep. I still dream about you. And for a long time I told myself that I hated you. Just to try and stop this heartache that plagued my very being. I say that if I ever saw you, that I'd punch you. But Dad I don't think I could ever hurt you if I ever saw you again. I know you've probably forgotten about me, and I bet you have other kids too. But Dad I still cry. I still cry over you. Everyday I wish I could have that perfect family. Where I'm not apart from my family. That our family wasn't destroyed. I do things hoping that one day you would be proud of me. I studied violin and piano, I sang in a choir, got first place in science fair, I'm learning 2 different languages right now. All so that maybe one day, just maybe, you would see me on the TV and say "That's my daughter" And that you would try to find me. But I doubt that will ever happen. I remember how you said that I was the worst mistake you ever made. I remember it like it was yesterday, but in reality it was over 10 years ago. Dad I still love you, even though you treated me like shit. I don't blame you for what happened. I know it was my fault, I know I should have been a better daughter. Dad, it gets dark at times. Really dark, to the point I feel like ending it all. And I've tried a lot of times. I tried ending my life, because I felt like I'm worthless, useless, a mistake. I thought that if not even my father could love me, than I was meant for no ones love. Dad I was bullied, beaten, abused, and through it all I cried for you. But you never came. Dad, it's currently midnight and I'm listening to a song that reminds me of you. I've cried to this song as I wrote this letter for half an hour now. Dad I know you will never see this letter. Unless by some miracle someone who knows you finds this and shows you it. But I doubt it would happen.

But I wanna try. I still have a little hope. Hope that my father will see this and remember me. Hope that he would message me or something. Hope that he would tell me the truth. Hope that he would say he loves me. Hope that even just a few tears would make it through his stone cold blue eyes. Hope that his heart isn't completely stone.

So Harold Wayne Blake the third, if you happen to read this for any reason, know that I love you. Know that I never blamed you. Know that I miss you with all my heart. Know that I'm waiting to hear from you one day. Know that I still care, please. Please don't leave me again.

Love, Gabriela your loving daughter

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