Chapter 15

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I looked at Liz, who was walking away and I saw the sad expression on my brother's face. I didn't really understand why but that's because I haven't been here for a while.

I walked to my room and to my surprise I saw Alec sitting on my bed. I looked in confusion at him and then realised that I had slapped him on our mission, on my first mission.

Alec looked up and faced me and I let him see that I was more confident than he thought I was. To be honest I was dying inside out. I just wanted to go to bed and let this though acting rest.

"Clary." Alec said in a harsh tone and I knew what was about to come. We would have again a damn argument about me hitting him in the face in front of everyone because of course, it was an insult for him.

"Yes?" I asked and I tried making my bed ready but it was hard as his damn ass was sitting on the blanket and no matter how strong I could get, I couldn't fight him. He was stronger than all of us, which kind of scared me because I shouldn't be messing around with him. He could knock me out and seriously injure me.

"I wanted to make something clear to you." He said in a harsh tone and stood up and looked at me. I raised my eyebrow and waited for his outburst.

"You need to control your bloody emotions!" He yelled at me and I flinch as he yelled at me but recoverd fast to not let him show that I got scared and I frowned at him.

"Seriously Alec?!" I yelled back and he shook his head and clenched his jaw. He always did that when he really got furious. I guess I was bringing up the worst in him and so did he with me.

How could he always be so damn cold?! It made me so frustrated and furious. Sometimes he fucking cared so much and the other time he just showed no interest. It was all fucking confusing.

"Emotions are nothing but a distraction, Clary." He said in a harsh tone and I looked at him and knew that his heart and soul was filled with ice-cold nothing...

To him, emotions were a distraction and something you shouldn't feel. At some part, it broke my heart and that's when the realization came back to hit me in the face. I was feeling something for this guy and I wasn't even sure what.

But knowing that I might be nothing to him but a distraction made me almost want to cry but then also I shouldn't care that much because he was not worth it and he would never be.

I couldn't believe myself. I was actually feeling something for him and I knew it was a little feeling but it was at least something.

"And you are ruled by them." He said, trying to refer to Simon's death. I felt the heat turning up in the room and I knew I was getting angry. I stepped a few steps backwards, in order to control myself because as much as I wanted to, I couldn't hurt Alec. I would never hurt him on purpose, not like that.

"I am not ruled by them. How is it working out for you to be an emotionless little bitch?!" I screamed asked him and I saw the anger in Alec's eyes burning like fire.

He walked towards me and held my arm and pushed me against the wall. I flinched and closed my eyes. I was scared that he was going to hurt me. I was breathing so fast that it would probably seem like I was running a marathon.

"DAMN IT!" He screamed and hit the wall against my head and I screamed in shock. I really thought he was going to hit me.

Alec let go of me and walked out of my room and didn't even turn around to see or say something to me. He was just gone.

I was gasping and I sat down on my bed. Still trying to figure out what just happened. I saw Alec angry multiple times but he never lashed out like that. I was so scared that I was actually thinking that he was about to hurt me.

Today was a horrible day. It was my first mission and I found out that my best friend Simon was turned into a vampire and he blamed me for it. Even though I didn't know anything about it. I didn't even know he was in danger.

I was so caught up with myself that I didn't even cared for Simon or even thought about him. He had all the rights to hate me because everyone was after him because of me. I felt like such a bestfriend.

And not just a best friend but a bad sister and daughter. I was hurting everyone else around me.

I was the one, who everyone wanted. Agramon wanted me. This all would be over if I just handed myself over. No one would die or get hurt.

I started to break again. I was ruled by my emotions. I can stop all of this. Tears were burning in my eyes and some of them rolled down my cheek.

I looked up and sighed as hard as it sounds. I needed to do this. Not only for myself but for everyone. For my brother and mother.

My father died because of me and I will have to live with that guilt forever. I can't let my brother or mother die because of me.

Alec was always right all along. I never belonged here. I was just a distraction to all of them. I needed to do this. Just to save everyone else. I needed to go.

I needed to go to Agramon.

I walked out of my room without event telling anyone. I took my stele with me and left the institute. I looked once back and smiled and wiped away the tears on my cheek.

My brother and my mother. They always had tried to save me from Agramon. Now it was my turn to save them from him and not only them but everyone.

Just to avoid losing someone again. I almost lost Simon, in fact, I had lost Simon. He would never want to speak to me again and to be honest, I don't think someone will ever speak to me again.

Agramon wanted me dead and soon I will be and I wasn't even scared. I guess my inner shadow hunter came out.

I was the cause of all of this.

I walked away, not even knowing where to go but I knew Agramon would find me in no time. So I just had to wait for him.

I was doing this. I was saving everyone this time....

To sacrifice myself everyone else would live...



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