Her Decision

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Author: reyna-reads

Genre: Fantasy


The cover is pretty, but I find it to be too bland for the story. I think the lettering could be a bit more professional, and the background image could be more attention-grasping. Since your story is a royal fantasy book, you may want to have a cover made that fits the setting and purpose of the story more properly. The photo on the cover originally led me to believe that the story would take place closer to the 1500s than in modern day, when the story actually takes place. If you are interested in having a different cover made, you may want to take a look at my "Covers/Reviews" reading list, as I have many talented cover artists featured there. 

The title seems to fit the story, but I do not entirely understand its significance yet. Currently, I feel that it explains how it is Florence's decision to sign the papers to potentially be chosen as one of the prince's ladies. Perhaps a different meaning will unfold as I read further, but this is what I picture at the moment. 

I found the blurb to be interesting and attention-grasping, and it did a nice job of outlining the story and the hardships that Florence may face. It explained the plot nicely without giving away too much information. 

Grammatical errors:
Chapter 1: "...this chance is something you won't get." Here, I assume you meant to write "something you won't regret." If not, what exactly were you trying to explain with the sentence?
Chapter 3: The first paragraph contains a misplaced modifier, which makes it seem as if the dresses are staring questioningly. 
Chapter 3: "In fact, it's the mot interesting thing..." Be sure to change this typo to "most."

Awkward/Repetitive vocabulary:
Chapter 1: In the first paragraph, you used the term "blue haven" twice to describe the sky. Although this is an excellent and creative way to depict the setting, using the same term so close together makes the paragraph seem rather dull and repetitive. 

The setting is very thoroughly and beautifully described, and I could picture every aspect of the story. I could imagine the characters, their thoughts, the environment around them etc. without any difficulty. 
One area that I found to be a bit confusing is in Chapter 3 where you wrote "The less attention we get, the less we'll be getting noticed." I assume that the statement was meant to be ironic and humorous, since attention = being noticed, but I wasn't able to tell completely.  

The plot was very attention-grasping and suspenseful. I could imagine Florence's disgust when her mother asked her to fill out the royal form, and I could also understand her decision, especially when she and her mother were desperate for money. You did an excellent job of building the story, and you clearly described Florence's living conditions and attitude. I am curious, however, why does Florence's mother need to wear the cloak in public to hide her face? I don't remember this being mentioned, and I think it is an interesting aspect to the story.  

The characters are very beautifully portrayed and their personalities and thoughts are shown very nicely through body language and dialogue. The characters make the story very interesting, and their encounters are quite entertaining. The dialogue and descriptions all make the story seem very realistic. I could easily match the dialogue to the characters, and the characters fit in the setting very nicely. However, the dialogue and setting originally made me imagine the story as more of a historical fiction story rather than a fantasy one taking place closer to our time. 
The characters' living conditions and personalities work hand-in-hand. I could picture Florence's torn and dirty outfit, her dingy home, and her body language. I especially like how you mentioned that Florence needed etiquette classes, because it allowed the audience to picture Florence's poor posture and "improper" way of communicating. 

Overall, I found the story to be extremely entertaining and suspenseful. It was cute, yet I could tell that it was written in a fantasy setting with different characters than one would normally see. The story is well on its way to becoming quite popular! I only suggest that you update the cover to something more appropriate, and one that is as lovely as the story itself!


Any fans of "The Selection" series will love this story!

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