Imaginer

29 - Where There is Hysteria

29

         “Can you get my map out?”

         I folded my lips in. I liked our conversations better when we didn’t mention home or of our destination. We were about as close to finding the hideaway as we were to rediscovering the Dodo Bird.

         “Here.” I spread the map out on the table, and he pulled his chair closer. He didn’t do so now, but at the end of the day, he would take a red pen and mark off all the spots we’d visited and scoured. I felt nervous when he got that pen out. We couldn’t be a hundred percent sure there really was nothing. So far the collection of red X’s wasn’t large yet, but I felt a puddle of hysteria at the bottom of my lungs beginning to form. I hoped it wouldn’t grow into a pool, because that would mean trouble sleeping, and waking up in a cold sweat.

         “Where are we going next?” I found I was at peace when we were moving forward. Move forward, and not look back, not analyze the places that we’d gone and found nothing. That was my motto. Keep thinking about the future.

         “You choose,” he said, his towel now hanging off the back of his chair. His hair was, like the box said, chocolate velvet.

         I glanced at the map. It wasn’t of the entire country, but of the province.

         “B-Nine,” I said, hating, for a moment, that it sounded like we were playing Battleship or chess. It wasn’t a game.

         Jacoby had always been the one to choose where we went. When we moved from city to city, we sometimes had to transfer buses, ride the public transport for hours on end before getting where we wanted to go.

         He searched for a moment. Then, “Been there.”

         I felt a jolt. “B-Eight, then.”

         “Been there.”

         How many places had we gone? I pulled out my cell phone and took a good, hard look at the calendar. Today was our ninth day. I was wrong when I guessed we’d been to only four or five cities. We changed locations every day, which meant we’d already been to nine cities.

         “B-Four.”

         Jacoby was silent for a long time.

         “What, have we been there already, too?” I said with a humourless laugh.

         He turned and looked at me. “It’s home, Jasslyn,” he said. “B-Four is Portsdale.”

         “Fine!” I yelled. “G-Eight! Why don’t we go to G-Eight?”

         He blanched, the contrast between his skin and his new hair colour stark. “Jasslyn, calm down—”

         “No! How many days have we been travelling, huh?” I knew the answer to this question, but I wanted to hear his response. Listen for any signs of guilt.

         “Today’s the ninth—”

         “Exactly. You don’t even know where we’re going, Jacoby,” I said, unable to supress my hysteria. “What the hell were you thinking?”

         He winced at my words. “I know we can make it.” His voice told me otherwise. “I know we can make it.”

         I felt a laugh bubbling up inside of me. It was one without mirth, and full of scorn. “You know we can make it? You know?” I really did laugh then.