(Qynka) the dumbest b*tch you know

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(10 years later)


Ha ha omg how epic would that be

Qynka almost (ALMOST, RELAX) smiles to herself under the bright stage lights that illuminate her perfect skin, eyeliner from hell, snaky edges. No smiling: this is a life or death moment. But for sure if she had her screen, which she doesn't because life is tragic and unfair, she would definitely right now post a pic of Modo_the_grl, the dumb bitch sitting to her right, and caption it that and watch the Likes roll in. 10k in the first second. Qynka could feel it. As someone born famous you developed a sense for what posts would go huge. It was a thing you knew instinctively, the same way she could feel her status slipping away from her, losing followers for every f*cking day she was on this dumb show and away from her screen and her sister Qannen and her life.

It's the season finale of Recovery, the show for celebrities who have completely f*cked up their lives. Maybe you did too many drugs, maybe you destroyed a hotel room. Maybe you gave the worst performance of your life, maybe your surgery came out very sh*tty, maybe you dated the wrong person, maybe the wrong person dated you, maybe your brand interactions seemed insincere, maybe you aligned with the wrong brand, maybe you tried to shove a zonny up your butthole, maybe, maybe, maybe. Whatever. You failed in some very public way and now your fans are freaking out and your haters are losing their damn minds.

So you go to Recovery and you spend the season processing sh*t, experiencing the journey of self-discovery, learning and growing, prostrating yourself in front of the watchers to demonstrate that you're SO upset and you have learned SO. MUCH. and you are so, just, sorry for betraying your fans' trust, and you have really grown from this experience in so many ways, but most importantly spiritually. Whatever, it's dumb as hell, but you have to do it. Well, OK, nobody HAS to do anything they don't want to in Wood2 but if the Daddys say Do this, guess what, you f*cking do it, if you want to maintain your status and not lose followers. And you definitely, extremely, 100% do not want to lose followers.

The equally attractive and annoying host of Recovery is bingey_effervezent. His whole brand is hosting things and interviewing people. He's on like 300 shows. His long shiny hair is up in a high pony, his skin dewy and amazing, the lights hitting it like POW, his beard perfectly sculpted, almost painted across his contoured his face. He's wearing a glittery gold Lustressa silk gown with a scoop back, and a pair of Zosynka lace-up heels that Qynka covets with her life.

Tonight it's his job to interrogate the contestants and help the audience see who has really done The Work, who's ready to turn their life around and learn from their mistakes. He starts with Modo_the_grl, the aforementioned dumbest b*tch ever.

"Modo_the_grl, so many people dream of having just a tiny share of what you had. You had an established partnership with one of the most respected brands in the city. They hand-picked you from a very young age to represent them. And in so many ways it had been a perfect partnership, a truly synergistic alignment of brands. And then suddenly one night, you threw it all away. What happened?"

"OK no but like." Modo_the_grl shakes her head, then nods, like she isn't sure whether to agree or disagree. "I didn't throw it all away. I was just in a bad place due to some circumstances in my life and I ended up saying some things that I really regret. But I don't want my actions to ever reflect on the brand that my life represents, you know? I would never intend that. Like it's two separate things. Or I thought so at the time. But I was not in a good place to really see how my actions would be reflected."

Ha ha WOW hi car wreck omggggg. Sorry but this chick is completely unable to say anything but the most unbelievable sh*t ever. It's? frankly? offensive? that Qynka even has to be on the same show as her tbeh.

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