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Third Chapter

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All these thoughts about the connection made me restless

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All these thoughts about the connection made me restless. I couldn't sleep when we bunkered down for the night. A problem I hadn't had had to deal with for a while. I didn't have nightmarish memories anymore. I slept like the dead. Except for this night.

I kept thinking about my father and how he had descended into what he was now. At some point, he must've loved my mother. She was so loving herself, but I couldn't remember my father being in the picture when we were small. Had they even been together after we were born? They definitely weren't when I was five. The conversation I had overheard between my mum and Ailis confirmed that.

But they must've been together for a while since they had gotten Cal and then me and Nat seven years later. Could my mum have been with him if she knew he didn't love her? Love their children? Who knew really? I had been a kid, and I had only known my mum for five years when my dad killed her. Now I couldn't help but wonder why he had killed her in the first place. Maybe because she was keeping Nat and me from him?

So one thing was definitely for sure in all of this. I needed Che. Not only for selfish reasons but for Nat too. If I was connecting with him, maybe there wouldn't be such a hard pull on the connection for her. I didn't want her to end up like our parents. I didn't want her kids to end up like us. History couldn't repeat itself. I wouldn't let it.

I looked over at Che, who was lying on his side, sleeping peacefully. I needed his love like I needed air in my lungs. I needed us to get back on track. To be on the same level again. To be us.

I wasn't fractured anymore. I was finally complete, and it had scared me. Broken people are probably broken forever, but I had gotten such a gift here. And Che hadn't pulled away. He had stubbornly stayed by my side, reminding me he loved me still.

I put my hand on his cheek, softly moving my thumb over his skin.

"Che," I said softly, hoping to wake him up. He slowly opened his eyes and looked tiredly at me.

"What's wrong?" he whispered, his eyes becoming more alert by the second.

I didn't say anything. I moved in and kissed him. He was hesitant, just receiving the kiss at first. I moved closer to him, upping the intensity on the kiss. Deepening it. Outlining his mouth with mine. His hand landed on my hip and pulled me even closer.

"Are you sure you're ready?" he murmured softly.

"I need to feel you," I just replied and pushed him on his back, crawling on top of him. I haunched over and kissed him again. He pushed up from the bed and put the palm of his hands on my back, slowly running them up and down over my skin. I inhaled sharply and pressed my chest to his. I just had to feel more. I was almost there. I just had to feel more.

I wiggled out of my briefs in a less graceful way and pulled Che's off. Fuck foreplay, I wanted him now. And he was ready too, just letting me do whatever I wanted. I sat down on him, loving the sound that brought forth from him. I took his face in my hands and brought his lips to mine again, as I started moving up and down.

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