Going Nowhere

Chapter 13 - Az goes biker

                  

I choked on thin air when the Az walked into Tiaso's. To see my stepfather in my place of work was surprising on so many levels but the shortage of air passing into my lungs was mostly due to his wardrobe choices. He wore what everyone else was wearing in a biker bar, which was jeans, boots and a tee.

His boots were cowboy ones, and he'd forgotten to remove the price tag, so it dangled happily next to his left foot with every step, announcing that he'd bought them at fifty percent off. The jeans were a blue so dark I was pretty sure some of it would stain his underwear unless he was going commando, a thought that made me wince. I had for obvious reasons no desire to get any kind of mental image of the Az's balls, blue or not. His tee was pistachio green, and it had a ridiculous image of a boy-band on it. I was pretty sure it belonged to one of my sisters because of the boy-band but also the cut. It was decidedly female which meant it formed unflattering creases around his non-existent bosom.

"What in the everloving fudge?" I murmured.

"Know him?" Silenus asked.

"Stepmoron. Stepasshole. Stepfather. Whatever."

Silenus started laughing in a way that almost made half the patrons fall off their chairs. One of the bears, a real one and not a gnome, accidentally filled his nostrils with beer and the snorting which ensued was not attractive.

The Az stumbled, and his eyes narrowed when he saw me. I smiled blandly, hopefully presenting him with the picture of perfect innocence. Then he strutted over to sit down next to the president of the Weesels MC, who were weasels, amazingly skilled at finding things, but alas; not very good at spelling.

"What can I get you?" I asked.

"A martini," the Az said. "Lightly shaken and then stirred, two olives and a bowl of peanuts."

"Jaeger," the biker president, Wee, grunted.

Yes. The thin, beady-eyed man was indeed Wee-the-weasel. His parents must either have figured it was a name he'd manage to spell, or they'd had a really warped sense of humor.

I handed Wee his shot and put a glass of beer in front of Az. His brows went up, and I shrugged.

"Biker-martini," I said, plopped a handful of olives into the glass, and moved down the bar to take an order from three dwarves, which would be a challenge as usual.

Silenus held his hand up as I passed him, likely hoping that I'd high-five him, which I didn't. I would have to crawl up and lean over the bar to hear what the dwarves ordered, and had begged Silenus to build a small stair for the shorter patrons such as dwarves, gnomes, brownies and the likes. He'd refused with the argument that me climbing like that while wearing a giant's hankie was more appreciated by his customers than the girls dancing at the pole on Saturdays.

The Az actually drank the beer, and when he was halfway through it, I walked back to wipe off shit in their vicinity. It turned out that they were making a deal where the Weesels MC would hopefully find the missing amulet.

"I will pay a million bucks to get that amulet back," Az sighed.

"I'll do it," I blurted out, surprising even myself with those words.

The Az stared at me, Wee grinned at me, and I heard friggin' Silenus giggle.

"You couldn't find an elephant even if you had it in front of you," Az declared decisively.

"But you'd give me a million bucks if I find the amulet?" I insisted.

"Unequivocally. Now go away," Az said and waved his hand dismissively in front of his face.