Moving Forward

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Clarke sat down with her friends as they were talking about something she didn't give a damn about right now. Her mind was only replaying her recent talk with Lexa and she couldn't believe what the older girl said that she hadn't believe Clarke actually liked her but rather liked Bellamy instead, or at least liked him more than liked her. That couldn't be further from the truth. She felt responsible for him as she did with Finn, unnecessarily because they are the only ones responsible for their actions but that was what she felt back then, now it's different.

She knows better now but she never expected that Lexa would think her feelings for Bellamy were more than friendship, more than her feeling for her and that she manipulated Lexa to protect Bellamy. She didn't do that, did she? She stopped thinking about it for a while, she needed some air and to get her mind away from that conversation so she could calm down and then think about it so she tried to engage in the one of her friends' conversation that they were having and it helped her forget for a while but when she looked at the side and saw Lexa talking with Ryder, everything just came up again.

She looked away from her girlfriend and tried to push those feelings and thoughts out of her head for a while longer but she didn't seem to be able to and then she felt Kane sit down beside her and she looked at him. "What happened?" He whispered to her. "What do you mean?" She played it dumb but it didn't work. "What happened between you two?" He asked her again and with his knowing smile, she sighed. "We had a fight about Bellamy and us. Big surprise." She said to him and he nodded. "Tell me and maybe I can help you." Kane said to her and Clarke looked at him before nodding.

"We were talking a few moments ago about how she is or was jealous of him, always has been and she said that there was no way she couldn't be when I seemed to care so much about him and went out of my way to protect him. That she didn't know where she stood with me because of him. She said that I manipulated her into changing their tradition for him and that when we, the first time you know, she didn't say I love you because she wasn't sure I even liked her at all." She explained to him and he nodded at her. "Let me guess, you got angry." He said to her and she nodded.

"Of course, I did. She knows that there has never been anything between Bellamy and I beyond friendship. Ever. Especially not after I fell in love with her. Why on Earth would she think that I care or love him like that? That I feel more for him and feel less about her? It doesn't make sense, Kane." Clarke said to him and he sighed. "It actually does, Clarke." He said to her and she looked surprised at him. "What?" She asked shocked by his answer. "Is it really that surprising to you that she was unsure about your feelings? How were things between you two when you arrived in Polis? How did you treat her?" He asked her and she remembered.

"Badly, but only because I was angry and hurt and betrayed. It didn't mean I didn't feel something for her, in fact, at that moment I wished I didn't but I couldn't stop myself from wanting her." Clarke said to him seriously and he nodded. "Have you stopped to consider that in your pursuit to stop having feelings for her, that your rejection to those feelings and in a way to her, was all she saw? All she had from you?" He said to her and Clarke looked at him as he continued. "When she put her life at risk to fight for us, did she come to see you after she won?" He asked her and she nodded at him.

"Okay and what did she say to you?" He asked her and she sighed before speaking. "She thanked me for backing her up against the other Ambassadors." She said to him. "And what did you say to that?" he asked her and she looked at him. "I said that I saved her because it was the right thing for my people." Clarke said to him and he nodded. "Exactly." He said waiting for her to see it but she just shook her head. "But it wasn't because of that, I saved her because what they did was wrong and I couldn't even imagine something happening to her." Clarke explained to him and he nodded.

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