Blue (The Spectrum Series: #3)

Chapter Thirty-Six

Blue's strumming comes into focus and I sit down beside him. His shoulders tense and he looks out the window. The hurt I felt earlier resurfaces and this time I act out on it.

"What's wrong?" I ask him.

"Nothing." He hangs his head and busies his fingers with the guitar strings.

"There is obviously something wrong. Are you still upset from this morning? If so, I understand and totally get it if you won't change your mind. You're only now trying, and that's more than anyone can ask." He has changed so much since I've met him, and for the better. He is trying his best, yes, for me more than anything, but before he was so adamant on hating them and distancing himself. He still doesn't want to be anywhere neat them and I had to beg him to go yesterday, but progress is progress.

He lets out a sigh. "I'm not upset about anything."

"I don't believe you," I say, and his cold eyes meet mine.

"Believe what you want. I already told you I am not upset."

"Then why are you being so cold right now?"

"How the hell am I being cold?" He scoffs.

"I—I don't know. You're obviously trying to brush me off and you still haven't looked at me—" But when I say this he shifts his eyes to mine and I wish he was still avoiding me, because the fire of anger behind his eyes makes my stomach clench. "Did I maybe do something to you?"

"No, Lily, just—" He stops and runs his hands through his hair. Like he is frustrated by my voice. Like he wants to kick me out. Like he wants to take back something. Like he wants to... cry? "Please, stop talking. Can you just leave? I want to be alone for a little while. Okay? Can you do that... please?" His voice catches, and he focuses on strumming his guitar, as if I've already left.

"Okay..." I manage to say, but I sound too weak and walk out of the room. The tears blurring my vision as I enter my room and sit on my bed is pathetic, but I can't stop them. I feel like an idiot for thinking the blissful air between him and I would last longer than his shifty moods.

I quickly flip through yesterday and this morning. The only reason he would be acting like this is Catherine and his father trying to persuade him into coming to their Thanksgiving dinner. Visions of him making love to me flashes behind my eyes, but I frantically shove it away. There isn't any way he could be upset about that... right? Could he possibly regret what he did? But I thought he was happy about what we did. We were both so giddy and all over each other. Ugh. I sound like a damn idiot.

I'm sniffling and wiping under my eyes when the door opens. Riley steps in, squealing and clutching papers in her hands.

"Guess who got the part of Juliet in their class project?" She kicks off her furry boots and jumps on her knees on my bed. "Do you mind running a few lines with me? Oh! Friday Finn and a few other people were thinking of headed to this totally awesome café that lets artists hang out and do whatever they want—and there's open mic nights—and—and oh my god you're crying." The worry in her voice presides over her rambling and she falls on her butt beside me.

"No, keep talking—I'm fine," I say and sniffle.

"You're obviously not fine." She lays her head on my shoulder, wraps an arm around my waist. "What's wrong? I'll shut up for you. I know how hard it is already because I can't ever stop talking, like right now—shit. I'm sorry. Okay, you can talk now."

I laugh and it's nice to do after thinking about negatives for a long time. I inhale sharply and comb through my thoughts for a string of words that don't make me come off as pathetic as I feel.