( FINISHED ) Wings of Fire OC Rating

Swirl

OC belongs to @Galaxywingz

Name: Swirl

Pretty name! I like it

Age: 2 years

Aw, she's still a baby.

Gender: Female

Cool

Tribe: Galaxywing (explained in backstory)

I like the name, it sounds very pretty.

Residence: A cottage in the rainforest

Cool

Personality: Is like a friendly dog to her friends and family, loves to make jokes and be the center of attention is sarcastic but she has no hesitation to kill enemies or people she doesn't like

Okay, you need to add some more flaws and maybe one more positive trait.

Appearance: Has galaxy dipped talons and tail, galaxy streaks in her black body and galaxy colored wings as well as purple eyes has rainbow flower crown

Instead of saying 'galaxy', maybe say 'she has pale purple and blue streaks speckled with sliver dots across her body and wings that look like a galaxy'. Anyway, add body shape, height, weight, and more of her colours (like horn/spike colours, underbelly colours, etc).

Occupation: Is the guardian of Pyhrria, doesn't get money from that so she steals from rich people

...Okay? Sounds interesting.

Family: Mother (deceased) Father (missing) Siblings (Doesn't know she is alive) Uncle (Is looking for her)

Okay

Ability and Weakness: Can control/go as fast as light if she is in sunlight. If she is in sunlight she can make beams hot so you can melt (useless in a cave) The same with sound if its noisy. Has venom tail and can hypnotize you (if you look DIRECTLY in her eyes). Is very small and weak, easily manipulated.

Okay. This is a bit overpowerd, maybe take out the sunlight/noise powers. The venom tail and hypnotizing is fine, since Queen Wasp can do that.

Backstory: She was raised in the Galaxy household in a hidden island, her siblings already left the house to fend for themselves. She was to be the guardian of Pyhrria to defend them from non needed war and outer space threats but a group of dragons from the Lost Content wanted to weaken Pyhrria and succeed by delaying Swirl from getting to Pyhrria for a while, then they went in for the final kill they managed to kill her mother and her father went missing. They had to send her through another dragon, so they did but the group caught him and she went crashing to the rainforest. She found out her purpose through an old scroll and went to battle all her queens and get them in a killing position to receive all her powers. She became good friends with them afterwards and found friends while on her quest.

Okay. This is very vague and bland. What happened during her early days? Why is her father missing? Where is her uncle that was mentioned? I have so many questions. Add details!

Friends: Gold( a aminus skywing) Moonlight( A night/rainwing with aminus powers)Darth(Nightwing)Venom(Rainwing with powerful venom)Quicksand (Boyfriend)

Okay

I give Swirl a 4.5/10. Work on personality, appearances, and work on the backstory majorly!