Stranger Times

Mess in the Mess, a Star Wars Story

"Is that really true about the T-16?"

Cayde Raska, senior Sergeant in the TK-400 Stormtrooper company aboard the Galactic Empire's mightiest weapon, stopped just outside the door to the squad's mess hall. He recognized the voice coming from inside, and suspected he would recognize a second one in a moment.

That recognition was not a happy one.

"Afraid so. That whole line falls apart after four months of use."

This is a ship-wide alert! The speakers blared as the station wide announcement bellowed through the hall. We will be leaving hyperspace in three-

"Oh, I hate this part..."

Two

"Try to keep your lunch in your stomach this time. I'm not helping you mop it up."

One
An odd sound came from inside, similar to choking. Thankfully, his suit had at least some uses, and all Raska noticed of the smell was that the scrubbers flashed on his HUD.

"I told you to try and keep it in! Look at the mess."

"Well, at least I didn't have my helmet on."

"How is that better for me?"

His irritation finally overcoming his reluctance to see the two men inside, Cayde opened the door and stepped inside.

"So," Sergeant Raska said as he hung his helmet up on one of the wall hooks. "How did you two damn fools let that old fossil shut off the tractor beam?"

The two bumbling imbeciles in white armour looked at each other as if they weren't certain who was being spoken to, which left Sergeant Raska's hand with an irritated twitch as it rested near his sidearm.

"What, you expected the two of us to take on a Jedi Knight? You saw that guy, he had a laser sword!"

"Lightsaber."

"It's a straight weapon. Sabres are curved."

Please be advised, there will be an unscheduled use of the primary weapon systems shortly.

"It's a three foot plasma torch powered with a fusion reactor. It's called a lightsaber."

"Both of you, switch off!" Cayde barked. "Because of buffoonery like yours, the entire TK company now stands for 'Technical Knockout'. Captain Gunthers won't let me live this down."

"Hey, they had that big hairy thing on their side. What do they call those things, Wookiees?"

"What the hell does the empire pay you for? A bigger enemy is just a bigger target! The after-battle reports puts your accurate ratio at 0%! No one actually hit what they were aiming at!"

"You really expected us to fight a Jedi? Their swords can cut through this armour like a knife through frosting!"

"Stop blaming your incompetence on that old Jedi. Your entire squad ran away when one jackass smuggler charged you! One guy, with a vest and no armour, and you all just run off like a rancour was chasing you!" Cayde said angrily, knocking the table with his armoured fist.

"Hey, we were supposed to let them ship go! It's why they didn't blitz their ship with the hundreds of TIE fighters stationed here."

"We only got those orders after the ship escaped. And it's lucky you got them, because otherwise Lord Vader would be here strangling you both."

"Why didn't Vader just strangle the wizard? He did my Captain in that way, last year."

"Jedi. Not wizard. Wizards don't have laser swords."

"Lightsaber."

"Whatever."

There was a small, distant rumble that shook the table, rattling the glasses slightly.

Please remain calm. All non-essential personnel on outer decks, please familiarize yourselves with the locations of emergency oxygen and blast door lockout procedures.

"Hey, and weren't we supposed to let them escape? Captain Gunters got a commendation from Tarquin for it."

"That only worked because those numbskulls who escaped on that garbage hauler are almost as stupid as you two clowns. They left the scanning equipment on board," Sergeant Raska said, settling down.

"Bet Vader didn't report that to Tarquin."

"Good thing, too. Or I'd probably be put to a firing squad. And if I am, I'm asking for the two of you to act as my executioners."

"Trust us to finish you off, sarge?"

"I trust you both to never actually hit me," Cayde replied with an amused smirk. "O% accuracy rating, I'd be in more danger if you weren't trying to hit me."

Commencing primary ignition.

"Oh wow. Some poor bastard's about to buy the farm. What planet do you think we're wrecking?"

"Wherever that princess escaped to, I'll bet."

"Think it'll explode like Alderaan did? I mean, that planet made the prettiest explosion. I'll admit to letting that replay on my terminal feed."

"You know there were billions of people on that world, right?" Cayde said.

"Traitors and saboteurs, all of them."

"All of them?" Cayde asked.

"Pretty close. I'm not losing sleep over some rebel scum."

Malfunction detected. Stand by.

"A hundred credits says we'll be called to fix that malfunction because they can't disable the power."

"I hope this station explodes, just to spare me more of your claptrap," Cayde muttered irritably, snaking his head.

Stand by.

Cayde's last thought was a suspicious inking that the announcer's last comment was directed at him.