• Not Like Them •

801 21 15

{Bad era & onwards (your choice)}

You stepped out of yours and Michael's ensuite bathroom, having just had a long luxurious bath after a long day of voluntary work that you did for a charity close to your heart. You set your towel aside once dry and put on your silk bath robe in your favourite colour, soon hopping on yours and Michael's super-king-sized bed.

You let out a happy sigh, instantly relaxing against the plush duvet and pillows, stretching your muscles a little which were sore from lifting boxes all day, as well as cleaning as soon as you'd arrived home. Michael always insisted that you didn't need to do housework, but you had told him soon after moving in with him that you were not the kind of woman to sit around and do nothing just because her partner's paycheck could afford to hire maids. You wanted to feel that you were giving back to Michael in some way, seeing as you were largely dependent on his income, and in a strange way, helping with chores made the house feel like it was truly your home.

As you ran your fingers through your damp hair in a futile attempt to tame it, you decided to watch some TV for a while. Michael had been at a press conference all afternoon and you thought that time would go by quicker if you were to catch up on one of your favourite shows until he arrived home.

Turning on the TV that sat on the wall opposite your bed, the channel that automatically came on was the music channel, and sure enough, they were playing one of Michael's videos, namely, The Way You Make Me Feel. You smiled and made yourself comfier, admiring your fiance doing what he does best. There was a part of you that felt unsettled though, and it took you until the second chorus to realise why.

Tatiana.

You had met her once during the BAD tour rehearsals and thought she seemed nice enough. You also trusted Michael infinitely and was sure that he was in no way attracted to her. Of course it was difficult at first to see Michael 'flirt' so openly with another woman, but you reminded yourself that it was all fictional and meant nothing.

Despite this, as a highly insecure individual you were now beginning to compare yourself to her. Her athletic body was of course shown off in the tight black dress that she could undoubtedly pull off. It wasn't this that bothered you, but the fact that your body was in many ways the complete opposite- with larger breasts, more shapely thighs and a stomach that would cause you to die of embarrassment if you were to don the same garment as Tatiana. Just thinking about it made you pull the covers up a little higher, just so that you wouldn't catch a glimpse of your own body.

'Maybe this is what Michael wants' you thought to yourself, now nibbling on your fingernails, a habit that you hated but did when anxious. "He's a dancer and next to him I must look so unhealthy. Maybe he's ashamed of and embarrassed by me...". You watched the video's ending sadly, Tatiana's minuscule waist on show as she stood sideways before she and Michael embraced. You slumped further into the bed, trying to ignore the fact that your body was making you feel like a whale.

Finally feeling as though you may be free of your thoughts, you looked forward to the next song that would be played as you absentmindedly played with the ends of your hair. You couldn't quite believe your ears when a familiar drum beat began, the intro to 'Chain Reaction' by Diana Ross- the woman who you knew Michael had been in love with. At this point you felt so numb that you couldn't even bring yourself to turn over the channel- it was like you wanted to feel the pain of your insecurities and doubts.

You watched on, Diana's skinny body making you feel just the way that Tatiana's had: chubby and unhealthy. Diana's face was enviable too and you began to wonder what Michael used to think when he looked at her. "Her smile is brighter and her lips are fuller than mine" you thought to yourself, as you had always wished for more feminine lips and a more beautiful smile. Your eyes had been the only feature on your face that you had ever been vaguely proud of, but you felt that Diana's iconic huge, round eyes put yours to shame.

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