Changing The Future (On Hold)

Chapter 68

68.Prom at Last

BPOV

Alice and Rose had been getting me ready for this stupid dance for hours. I'd been poked and prodded longer than the dance would actually last. What's up with that? I suppose when one had eternity to fill, time wasn't much of a priority like it was to those whose minutes on earth were limited.

I was glad Edward was finally speaking to me again. He had given us all the silent treatment, including the wolves, especially when he found out they had been in on the joke from the very beginning, having received a phone call from us before they even went over to the Cullen house. Esme had taken the silent treatment the hardest, even harder than me. I simply took it in stride, knowing Edward had to react in some way to save face, and also knowing he needed time to think about the issues the little exercise had brought to light.

Those issues were serious ones. I had known of his weaknesses from reading the Twilight books, but it was different to see those weaknesses in action with my own eyes. It hurt far more than I thought it would. The first major issue was Edward's tendency to jump to conclusions where I was concerned, since he couldn't read my mind. He became easily emotional and always assumed the worst, to the point of even ignoring the obvious, instead of talking to me about the issues and trusting me to make my own decisions. This was the very weakness that lead to him leaving me in New Moon, which I definitely didn't want to experience in real life. It was painful enough to live it on paper. The second major weakness was his tendency to run from his problems with me and underestimate the ability of both of us to face those issues together. This was seen in the way he ran to Alaska on my first day of school and avoided me after the van incident in Twilight, left me in New Moon, avoided all but minimal intimacy with me in Eclipse, and tried to get me to have an abortion and have puppies instead in Breaking Dawn. Ewww. This weakness of his was very unhealthy for our relationship.

I certainly had plenty of weaknesses of my own that needed to be worked through for the good of our relationship, but I was more aware of them. Edward tended to be blind to his own faults, thinking he knew so much because of reading other's thoughts. There is a big difference to watching a surgery being performed on TV or even through virtual reality and performing that same surgery on a real living person. While one can learn a lot by watching, there is no substitute for real life experience. There is a measure of maturity that comes with doing that cannot be gained by simply watching. That was a concept Edward had not fully grasped yet.

The fact that Edward ran off to the meadow to deal with his emotional turmoil surrounding the idea of my early change was an example of both his weaknesses working together. He jumped to a conclusion without considering all the facts. Each of the other men figured out the ruse in seconds, simply by noticing the contrasts between the initial impression and the actual presentation. In giving in to his own emotional angst, he failed to consider the consequences of his choice on me and the rest of his family. He did not consult any of us on the wisdom of his conclusion or the wisdom of his reaction to that conclusion. The same thing happened in New Moon. He jumped to the faulty conclusion that I was better off without him and his family, without accepting the counsel of me or his family. He made the choice to leave 'for my own good', which led to much pain and suffering for me and his family. He thought only of his own suffering, underestimating my suffering and the suffering of his family, just as he underestimated my love for him and them, and their love for me. He also underestimated our ability to face the dangers together and come out on top.

These were issues we needed to discuss before they could cause him to do something else stupid 'for my own good'. The third weakness we needed to discuss was his self-loathing. He still considered himself a soulless monster, damned for eternity. I needed to help him see himself more clearly. I had a few points to make that I figured would knock his socks off.