Better Than Best Friends

47 5 3

Author: wordsmithahona

Genre: LGBT/Romance/Teen Fiction

Mature


The cover clearly depicts the story and it matches the title very nicely. I think the title fits the story perfectly, as the Supratik and Sarthak are best friends who become closer as the story progresses. However, the cover and the title together give away almost too much of the story. By seeing the cover, I was already able to predict how the story would end. Perhaps you should change the photo on the cover so that you can build more suspense throughout the story. 

Grammar errors:
Chapter 1: "A quick nap is what I die for." This sentence is written in present tense and the rest of your story is written in past tense. Be sure to keep this consistent throughout your story. 
Chapter 1: "...after the exams got over." Here, the word "got" doesn't work with the sentence. Perhaps you could change it to "...after the exams were over."
Chapter 2: "...I saw him so freely after almost to weeks..." Here, the word "to" should be changed to "two," like the number. 
Chapter 3: "I didn't think I could hold back my feelings from Sarthak for much long." The word "long" should be adjusted to "longer."

Something that you may want to think about is your use of dialogue. Be sure to start a new line when a different character speaks. If the same character speaks multiple times, you can incorporate what he says into a single paragraph. However, when characters alternate speaking, you need to begin a new paragraph every time you write what they say. Without this, the audience gets confused between who is speaking and where the conversation is going. 

I found the story to get off to a very slow start. I feel like the first chapter altogether is unnecessary and doesn't contribute much to the story. It doesn't provide any background information on the characters, and it is written around a football match between a group of friends. After reading the title of your story and the blurb, the audience already knows that Supratik and Sarthak are best friends, and they assume that the two boys will become more than just that. The first chapter really just poses a distraction to the rest of the story and doesn't offer any necessary information. 
Chapter 2 is a bit more interesting, as it offers more information on the main character and how he is feeling. However, the story remained uneventful through the next few chapters. I feel that if you add the information on the characters into more exciting events, the story would be much more entertaining for your readers. 
I find the story to be too uneventful, yet the relationship between the characters moves almost too quickly to comprehend. For example, in Chapter 4, Supratik told Sarthak that he was gay and that he liked Sarthak all at once. I feel that the story would be more interesting if Supratik told his friend that he was gay, but didn't admit that he liked Sarthak. By doing this, you would build up more suspense because the audience would always wonder when Supratik would admit his feelings. You do a great job of incorporating cliffhangers at the ends of your chapters, but I feel that they could be more drawn-out. 

I feel that the characters are a bit bland and underdeveloped. You explain Sarthak and Supratik's relationship, but you don't describe their individual personalities. The characters seem a bit lifeless to the audience because there isn't any information on who the characters really are. Some more personality could be included in order for your readers to understand and relate to the characters. 
I like the different viewpoints later in the story, as they offer an interesting new perspective. I enjoyed reading the thoughts from both boys and how they felt about each other. It was entertaining to read how they came together in the end. 
Lastly, I find the setting to be very vaguely described. You may want to incorporate more sensory details so that the audience can picture the characters' houses, the football field, etc. Without these descriptions, the setting is very boring and the audience has a difficult time imagining the events and locations of the story.


*Analysis is based on the first 6 chapters

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