We Didn't Ask for This

50 6 3

Author: _-CA-_

Genre: Action/Mystery


The cover is very attention grasping and I don't find it to be overdone at all! The colors and the images work very nicely together, and the font for the text is professional and appealing. The title also works very nicely with the story, as it describes how nobody asked for the disease that began spreading. 

Grammatical errors:
Chapter 1: "He is a mad man and he's going sick." The words "going sick" do not work well together. Perhaps you could reword this to "he's getting sick" or "he's going to be sick."
Chapter 2: "As well as several other parts of his body." This is an incomplete sentence, and it could be combined with the previous one to form a complete sentence. 

Your explanations are very clear and thorough. You do a wonderful job of describing the setting and how the characters are feeling. For example, in Chapter 2, I could very clearly visualize Nate's burning house and how hurt and exhausted he was feeling. The chapter was very action-packed and attention-grasping, and I love how the stories from each of the characters all compliment each other!
However, there are some sections that could be clarified. For example, in Chapter 2, I pictured Nate's house to be somewhat isolated with few neighbors. Later, you mentioned an "oyster card," which then made me think that this section of the story took place in London. What exactly is the setting like at this point during the story?

The plot moves at a very quick but entertaining pace. The first chapter is already very attention-grasping and suspenseful, and it smoothly brings your audience into the next section. I found the first chapter to be a bit scary and intense, but it provided plenty of necessary details that were needed to understand the story as it continued. You did an excellent job of incorporating action into your story without overdoing it, and the plot never got particularly boring.
The characters' actions and the events in the story speak for themselves. I don't feel that any additional speech/dialogue is necessary, since you already very clearly described the setting without too much of it. I think you used the perfect amount of speech so that the audience could follow the story along without being distracted from the overall plot. 

The characters are nicely developed, but I feel that some more direct thoughts could be expressed. Aside from this, your characters are described clearly throughout the story, both physically and emotionally. 
I also really enjoy the different viewpoints that your story is told from. I loved the diary entry in Chapter 1 because it explained what the disease did to people and why all the children were terrified of adults. Chapter 2 also became much more lively since it was written around somebody who was experiencing that situation!

Overall, I thought the story was very unique and entertaining. The plot is very action-packed and exciting; there is never a dull moment! I'm looking forward to reading more!


*Analysis is based on the first 5 chapters

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