Wolferella

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Author: sirenix2028

Genre: Werewolf

Strong language and violence


I think the cover photo is pretty, but I don't understand its significance to the story. The multicolored lettering is also a bit distracting, so perhaps you may want to change it to a solid color. The title does an excellent job of informing your audience that the story will be based around a werewolf, and its meaning makes its way into your book. 

Grammatical errors:
Prologue: "...I just shuffle towards a quite corner..." Here, the word "quite" should be changed to "quiet."

Prologue: "Once I got everything, I slam my locker closed..." Here, the word "got" is written in past tense and the rest of your story is written in present tense. It should be changed to "Once I get everything..." Be sure to keep the consistent as you write. 
Chapter 1: "So I guess your all wondering who I am and also what I am so I'll tell you." Here, the word "your" should be changed to "you're" as in "you are." This sentence is also a run-on, so perhaps you could reword it to something like "I guess you're all wondering who I am and maybe what I am. I'll tell you."
Chapter 1: "First things first my names Hope Denver..." Here, the words "things" and "names" should include an apostrophe before the s. Additionally, this sentence is a run-on, so you may want to add a comma after the the second "first."
Chapter 1: "If your wondering about my real mother..." The word "your" should be changed to "you 're."

I noticed quite a few run-on sentences throughout your writing. Sometimes, it helps to read your work aloud, as you are able to hear when sentences are too long or too choppy. Anywhere that you pause while speaking is most likely where a comma should be placed. Some sections can be divided into multiple sentences altogether. I would be more than happy to point out these areas if you'd like me to!

I also observed that your chapter names are inconsistent in places. For example, chapters 1-7 and 9+ are all labeled as Chapter 1, Chapter 2, etc. However, chapter 8 is written entirely differently: "ch.8 One Day." Keep an eye out for these things and make sure that the formatting remains consistent throughout your story. 

I find your writing to be fairly simple, and you tell the audience your story rather than showing them. For example, in Chapter 1, you immediately write a paragraph outlining everything about Hope's appearance. Instead of describing Hope in one paragraph, you may want to spread it out and work those details into the story as you continue writing. It is more interesting for the audience if you also write her backstory in over time and add some twists rather than outlining everything immediately. 

You may also want to work in the meanings of terms such as "beta" and "omega." Readers who are unfamiliar with werewolf stories may not know what these terms mean or why they are important. 

The plot is interesting and you do an excellent job of foreshadowing. I like how you mention small bits of information about Hope's mate and how her life will change when she meets him. 

The characters overall seem a bit bland. They aren't very relatable, and they could use some more personality traits and details. The audience knows that Hope is quiet, but what is she like when she's with her friends? Is she outgoing? Funny? Talkative? Be sure to mention things like this so that the audience can relate to your characters. Without any interesting traits, your characters seem more like robots going through their daily routine than unique, living people. 

Overall, the story is headed in a very creative direction, but some changes could be made so that it is more attention-grasping. Once you fix any run-on sentences and add a bit more to your characters, your story will be extremely entertaining!

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