10 September 2010
We're women of science, not witches. Bunsen burners, not burning at the stake. Bauxy was not in the mood to be interviewed. Her girls were scurrying around the lab, carrying samples of metals and flasks of unknown liquids. She never took kindly to her research team being called a "coven". In fact, if physical violence weren't outlawed, she would go to town on the faces of the men and women who sneered at her life's work. "Y'know, it's unfortunate that our work has to be in this bumfuck city, since it's so rich in mineral deposits and organometallic compounds." The journalist took a look around the town, and worked into the conversation just how destitute the surrounding area was. "Well, this used to be a prosperous farming town before the economic system nearly blew up. It was like a second Great Depression, and no one here ever took the initiative to reinvigorate the land. That's one goal of my research team. The people are so hostile to us though, for honestly no good reason. They hate the shogun-government. They hate the Japanese with every fiber of their being - many were alive during the Second Great War. They hate everything new that intrudes on their life. Maybe if they spent more time actually working the land and making it fertle again, instead of heckling me and sitting their lazy asses on their porch swings, this town could find its bearings again and get out of the Dark Ages." She angrily slammed a box of corundum samples onto the lab table. The girls looked up in shock like meerkats. Bauxy sighed. "Melanie, Sapphire... you two take our journalist friend here to the bio-chamber for a glimpse of the good our research is meant to do for this city." Behold! the natural systems at full capacity. Beautiful, beautiful systems.
6 July 1997
Barely enough food on the table, yet quickly supplied with a 77" Sansui K2K Flatscreen TV set with no one batting an eyelash. The family lived in the GO-Ward in the outskirts of Las Vegas, a post-suburban, cultureless ghetto where the old American dream came to die. Endless rows of decaying homes, long-dead lawns, ash heaps remaining from luxury furnishings doubling as heat sources. Food was growing scarce and difficult to come by. Fast food prices appreciated, vegetable and fruit became nearly unavailable. The suburbanites made feeble attempts at self-sustaining agriculture, but could not satiate their craving for high-fructose corn syrup and partially hydrogenated vegetable oil, grease, fat, and sugar. They decided they'd rather starve than pay thousands in rare organic groceries as petty urbanites did, nor to waste hundreds in petroleum to drive back into civilization to die a slow death from a Sausage McMuffin or a basket of fries done Animal Style. They chose to starve in the desert, wandering helplessly with no one to guide them. That's where the "petty urbanites" in the field of science came in. Introducing, chain restaurant brand holographic foods! Got cravings you just can't afford to fill? Have a Triple Whopper with cheese on us, without the guilt or the substance! Gluten-free, sugar-free, calorie-free, fat-free, and the best "free" of all.... free of charge! Just contact the Department of Health and Pseudodynamic Science at (555) 337-1260 for your first month's meal download, courtesy of Sapporo Foods! Floppy disk in, family dinner out. Now get to gooood eatin' and hunger defeatin'! ROKU-Ward fancied the Denver omelette. ICHI-Ward rebelled with Quiche Lorraine in the morning.
14 February 1991
2205: "i bet ur a bad girl" "most of the boys call me naughty " "o ya tell me wut a bad grl u r"
2206: "this 1 time, i hacked n2 the walmart hq database & put the entire store on clearance" "o u lil slut daddy should spank u" "another time i liquidated a whole swiss bank and spent all the $ on thrift store kitchen appliances" "ooh thats my bad grl wut else can u do for me" "i am the reason 4 the fall of dc and the rise of the capital cities, all u need is a nice rack and a litle shake of the a$$ to bring men 2 their knees" "o u fkn whore u r so naughty show daddy how naughty u can b" "& just 5 secs ago i stole ur ssn, credit card #, identity, and transferred all of your savings to a little island in the caribbean so i can enjoy a binge weekend on mimosas and game shows and steamy fun with my masseuse Castro au revoir scumbag" "wait wut how did you d[end of transmission]