Ice To Meet You

sexcapades

After hours of going through the contract, I know deep down in the pit of my stomach that if I want to ace my future job (hint: I do!), I need to become Mia 2.0. 

I hate failure and I can't afford to fail at my first job ever. 

The job requirement clearly states that "the ideal candidate is skilled at interviewing experts and talking about his/her own sex life to provide practical and relatable advice to millennial women. No sex-related topic is off limits, and the ideal candidate must be comfortable rummaging deep into 'taboo' topics."

I am officially freaking out; which is an understatement of the century.

"Mia, this is the last job I see you doing" Hannah whispers softly, reaffirming all my doubts.

She and I are sitting on my twin bed and going through the job description. If your childhood best friend, who also happens to be your biggest cheerleader through the worst times of your life thinks your new job is a kiss of death, how fucked are you?

"Han, I know I am not the sexpert they are looking for but the pay is great, and right now I need you to help me fix this. I need you to tell me I can do this, even if you don't believe I can. Help me figure out how to write steamy content for the next 6 months. "

She lets out a deep breath, and I can feel her mind working. She is a powerhouse of gossip and information, anybody who is absolutely anyone important in Penn State is on her contact list. Just based on my relationship with Hannah, people regard me as somebody.

She knows every body's business, from student government to football players. I write for the student newspaper, and even I don't have the connections she has.

She has a way with people that I just don't have. It takes me some time to warm up to people, and even when I do, I still can't manage small talk- I am awkward like that. Groups of people scare me a little, and unlike Hannah, I never know what to say next.

In a group, I am the silent one eating all the fries and then hating myself for stress eating the night away.

"How badly do you want to do this?" She asks earnestly, raising her steep arched eyebrow at me. I know she has a plan and I have no idea what it is, but I am game.

This woman is my life savior.

"As badly as I wanted Shawn Jackson in 6th grade." Shawn was the love of my life, and I crushed on him for 3 years straight. Although to him I was practically non-existent and even though I am long over him,(kind of), he is still our comparison scale. If ever I say I want something as all-consumingly as first unrequited love, I borderline need it.

"So, hear me out." Oh, god I am not going to like this. The last time she used these same words, which were today morning, she was justifying drunk texting her ex, last night. "You could pass the craziest sexcapades of people we've ever heard over the years as your own."

One, I couldn't. There is no two. Drunk Mia has lied enough already, I don't want to make a career out of it.

"Han, stories need details. I can't fluff my way through each and every article, I will eventually get caught. I need to provide details that are not just true but can be verified if it comes down to it."

"You can't really verify sex details, but I get your point. That is sexploitation. You need some veteran dick inside you."

"Hannah that sounds gross." But she is right. I know it, but it still hurts my throat to say it out loud. I do need some seasoned dick in my life.

"Do you know a man who might be interested?" I ask half-heartedly. It is against everything I stand for to sleep around for a job.

"Fuck yeah, everybody wants to fuck a virgin. I can get you frat presidents, athletes, teaching assistants or anybody from the student government. Just pick your poison."

I really don't want to do this, it is so not me.

"Hannah, you are making this sound worse than it already is. I don't want to shop around for dick. Can you hook me up with somebody who will give me all his interesting stories and in return I can promise full anonymity?"

"Are you going to fuck him?"

"No. I just want content, not an STD."

"Fair point. Let me find you someone who is interested in talking but still wants to remain under the radar."

Hannah picks up her phone and starts scrolling through Instagram. How did women stalk men before social media?

Is Instagram the nosy neighbor down the block?

My stomach growls and I grab my gluten-free chocolate chip protein bar from the table. I haven't had anything since morning, and it is almost 3 p.m. now.

It is only 90 calories, but I still feel guilty.

I did not work out today morning, and it is against my rules to eat anything before at least squeezing in a run.

"Oh, shit! How could I ever forget this man; What about William Kent?" Hannah squeals with satisfaction and I ignore her for a minute letting her revel in her glory. She is apparently impressed by herself, and I am in no mood to take it away from her.

I inhale the protein bar, it is out of this world.

"Who is William Kent again?" I have heard the name before, but I can't connect it to anything off the top of my head.

"Seriously?" She looks at me offended. Her ocean blue eyes genuinely look butthurt.

"He sounds familiar, but I can't figure out why." Did they hook up? Forgetting that would make me a terrible friend.

"He was this tall, sexy quarterback on our football team 5ish years ago. Everybody thought he was going to be the first pick in the draft, but then he was kicked out for dealing drugs. Ring a bell?"

It does. William Kent is a Penn State legend. He was expelled for a while, and even though he never made it back on the team, he was miraculously elected as Alpha Delta Alpha president the following year. He is known as the notorious stud with no moral compass, and there are rumors about him that are insane. I am pretty sure at least half of them are over exaggerated lies, but his brothers swear by them.

I immediately type William Kent on my Instagram and there he is.

He has 1.9 million followers. Holy shit.

Why would this gorgeously ripped man with umpteen shirtless pictures on fancy yachts agree to share his sexcapades with me? 

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