50 Shades of James

Confrontations

           It was way, way too early to be at James’s door, but there he was. Eddie had dropped his controller and escaped to dreamland somewhere around three in the morning, but Aleks had had no such luck. He’d tossed and turned, and picked at the scabs forming over his knuckles, and finally hauled his ass over to the Creature House at—he checked his watch—six in the morning. Six! James would want to murder him, but James already thought he was an asshole, so that wasn’t much of a concern. Aleks just wanted to make James hear him out, and James was a master at avoiding people he didn’t want to talk to. Ergo, he spent twenty minutes searching for his spare key to the House and had been standing outside of James’s bedroom for another ten, trying to think of what to say.

            Aleks gathered his thoughts, took a deep breath, and raised his fist to knock on the thin wood—only to hear the creak of a door just down the hall. His head snapped towards the sound, startled, his surprise only growing as James emerged from Seamus’s room, staggering and rubbing his eyes hard enough to leave marks.

            “James?” For a second, he thought he’d been the one to speak, but then Seamus emerged from the doorway behind James, carrying a small white bottle in his hand.

            “Yeah?” The gruff voice was groggy, and so completely lacking in anger Aleks wanted to just run to him and beg for forgiveness that very second. But his feet refused to move, and his open mouth yielded no noise.

            “For the  hangover.” Seamus stepped closer to James—too close, Aleks thought—and pressed the Advil into James’s hand.

            An easy going smile slowly stretched his cheeks apart. “You know me too well.”

            “Too well, maybe,” Seamus quips back, but he’s got a weird, gently smile on his face, and then—Aleks hopes that he’s back in the apartment, that he fell asleep and is having a dream to compensate the guilt he feels, but he knows this is too far out of his imagination to be a dream—Seamus leans over and pecks at James’s lips, and James’s whole body follows the blonde’s quick retreat, keeping their smiles mashed together for at least three seconds which is most definitely four seconds too long.

            And finally, Aleks’s invisible gag disappears. “What the fuck?”

            The piercing shout makes James’s headache, which almost disappeared when Seamus kissed him, pound back at his skull with more than full force, like his brain was actually trying to escape through his eye sockets. He groaned loudly, about to rip into whoever dared scream at someone so obviously hungover—only to have his eyes met by the brown he’d become very acquainted with in the last few weeks, usually soft but now hard with anger and shock.

            “Aleks.” Seamus stepped in front of James, arms crossed.

            “I’m fine, I’m fine, I can deal with this,” James argued as another pang in his head made him wince, pushing back in front of Seamus.

            After a minute though, he straightened his back and stared back into Aleks’s gaze.

            Aleks’s face burned with fury. “So? What the fuck is this?”

            And suddenly James’s pain was replaced with anger. Who did the fucker think he was, storming in here and demanding answers like James was the one in the wrong here? “What do you think?”He spat, taking a step closer. “I went and got drunk with my best friend, and shit happened.  After all, I think it was made perfectly clear that you no longer have anything to do with my personal life.”

            For a second, Aleks’s already flushed face turned deep red and the rage in his eyes was so intense that James thought he might punch him, but then he seemed to deflate, a thin man in the center of a hallway with sad eyes.

            “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

            James just continued to stare at him, stunned by the apology.

            Glancing at Seamus skittishly, Aleks continued. “I’m sorry. Fuck, I’m sorry. You…you have every right to be mad. You should be mad. But I came here because…because I want you to know, I need you to know that nothing ever happened between me and Ashh.” Determination and desperation sparkled deep in his eyes, inflating his presence once again,  so that James almost—almost—let himself get sucked into those deep brown irises, like he had so many times before. “She kissed me. I don’t fucking know why, but she did. We’ve never had anything before this. Nothing. I would never do that to you. Fucking—if I didn’t want to be with you, you would know. But I did, and I still do. So that’s my side of things.”

           

            Aleks was panting from the emotion in his little speech, and James was just looking at him—searching, trying to find some evidence of a lie in his face. He looked so lost, so taken aback, so torn. Seamus’s comforting hand was on his arm, and Aleks wished so much that he was there, supporting James, like he always had before. He was about to give up and turn and walk away, when James opened his mouth to speak—but the sorrow in his slumped shoulders and lowered head forewarned Aleks of his verdict.

            “I’m sorry.” His voice was quiet, considering.

            “You don’t have to be sorry—“ Seamus started, but James cut him off.

            “I believe you. I can’t—fuck, Aleks, why do you have to make this difficult? I believe you, but it doesn’t matter anymore, right? I’m—I’m not gonna just turn my back on Seamus. This isn’t a fucking chick flick, and I won’t do that to him. So just—just go, okay? I forgive you and whatever, but I just—need space. Okay?”

            Aleks could feel bitterness fill his mouth even as the rest of his body became numb with disappointment.

              “Okay,” he replied, reluctant, but final. James turned to go into his room, and Aleks watched him disappear out of sight until the door shut with a soft click.

             He was about to leave, too, to sigh and drown in self-pity and maybe go get wasted, but somehow Seamus had gotten a lot closer and his infamous scowl filled Aleks’s vision.

              But then Seamus sighed how Aleks wanted to sigh, deep and long, and pushed his fingers through his tangled blonde locks.

        “So Ashh kissed you, huh? She say why?” Aleks felt his face soften with the realization that Seamus had more to do with this than just stealing James.

           “She, uh, she mentioned a fight, I think. With you. She was really upset, it seemed like.”

          Seamus shook his head. “She would, wouldn’t she? Ashh was always the spiteful type.”

          His clear blues connected with Aleks’s smooth browns, and the scowl returned to his face.

        “Either way, you really hurt him.”

       Aleks put his hands up in surrender, as though that could protect him. “I know, and I just wanted to explain—“

         Seamus snorted. “Yeah, I know what you wanted. And—no, don’t try to talk, you had your little speech—and you know what, I like you, Aleks, but James and I—we’ve been close since way before you showed up. And he’s with me now. So if you ever, ever, fuck him up again, well, you’ll have to deal with me. Trust me when I say, you don’t want to have to deal with me.”