Forbidden Pleasures

[43.]

I don't think I'll ever understand why when you really want something in your life, usually that doesn't happen. Things never go like you want them to or expect them to. When you really wish for something, when you really, really want something ... it usually doesn't happen.

Perhaps that's why we experience so many disappointments in life. Our own expectations let us down. To think about it, it's our own fault. Hope kills happiness and if I haven't learned this before, I did now.

Mrs Welch's dad died.

His wife found him in the kitchen in the middle of the night. He wasn't shot in the kitchen, but someone threw his body through the kitchen window and the alarms went off in the house, causing the wife to wake up and face the, what must be, a really ugly scene that left her shocked.

It wasn't an accident. It wasn't a suicide. It was murder.

When the news came, we were all in the dining room. My eyes shot straight to Adrian who didn't give any kind of reaction to the news. I don't know what I expected or what I even tried to see. He's a master of hiding his emotions. He wasn't surprised or shocked, I don't think he even felt sorry.

He said condolences to his wife and then excused himself, saying there's a lot of work waiting for him. His wife almost broke down at the table, but she managed to get out before anyone could see her crying.

And me ... I was shocked. I saw that man only once in my life and I couldn't say I liked him, I didn't even receive any good vibes from him, but to hear that he was killed ... the chills run down my body.

It's disturbing to even admit this, but I've been thinking about what was going on under the roof and how the man reacted to the news that Adrian is divorcing his daughter, even though 10 years haven't passed, like how it's written in the contract, I presume.

I hope to God Adrian didn't have to do anything with this. The thought scares me. That man maybe wasn't a good man, but that means something could happen to Adrian. If he was involved. But, on the other hand, I'm ashamed of the thought even crossing my mind. I don't think Adrian could ever take someone's life.

I think I know him enough to be sure of that. I thought of him only because of that conflict and because I know that when Adrian wants something, he doesn't want anything or anyone on his path, preventing him from getting that thing.

With that happening, I couldn't leave yet. Which made me angry, but I had to bite it down and not be selfish. I was trying to be considerate. Mrs Welch doesn't deserve it, but I felt bad for her nevertheless. I don't know how close she was with her father, but if anyone, I knew how it feels like to lose your father. I especially know how hard it is if you were close to him.

Losing one or both of your parents is the kind of loss you never really recover from. It stays with you your whole life because the pain is too big. There doesn't go a day by that I don't think about my father still. I don't there will ever be a day when I won't think about him.

The days at the Welch's mansion pass almost in a blur, at least for me. There's a lot of work to do around the house because the guests keep on coming and going. Just being in this house fills me with sadness because it brings back so many memories it almost triggers me.

I do get a moment with Mrs Welch alone so I can express my condolences. "I'm really sorry for your loss, Mrs Welch."

She lifts her head and even in this hard time, she has a gift to look down on me and look snobby. She doesn't wear much make-up, but I don't think I've ever seen her without it so I'm not surprised to see it on her face even now. "Are you really?" she dares to ask.