The Popular Project

46 6 3

Author: her_royal_cuteness

Genre: Teen Fiction

I think the cover photo is a bit plain and could use some more excitement to make it more attention-grasping. I also noticed that some of the cover is cropped out, which makes it slightly blurry. I really like the font and color of the lettering; I think it suits the story! I also think the title is very creative and it clearly portrays a teen fiction book. 

Grammar Errors:

Chapter 1: "I was elated." The word "elated" doesn't entirely work with your writing, as you described how awful the first two years of high school were. By using the word "elated," you are explaining how the character is excited for junior year, which doesn't seem to fit because you wrote how much the characters hate high school. 
Chapter 1: "Always is anytime the gang come visiting." This sentence as a whole doesn't make much sense. I suggest you go back and reword it so that it clearly expresses the point that you are trying to make. 
Chapter 1: "I slipped between the two of them and sat on top of the fence holding it with my hands so I wouldn't fall." This is a run-on. To make it a proper sentence, you could add a comma after "fence" or you could divide it into two separate sentences. 
Chapter 1: "There are some information, Indiana, we do not need to know." This sentence isn't constructed correctly. Perhaps you could reword it to something like "We don't need to know that information, Indiana."
Chapter 2: "...everybody that meets her loves her." The word "that" should be changed to "who." Because you are referring to people and not objects, the term "who" should be used. 
Chapter 3: "She was in jeans and the schools basketball jersey." Since you are using the word "school" possessively, you need to add an apostrophe into the word: "school's."

Something I noticed while reading your stories is that many of your sentences are written as individual paragraphs. For example, in Chapter 1, your first three sentences are individually written as their own paragraphs. Since these sentences are all related, you can combine them into one singular paragraph. This makes it flow more smoothly for your readers and they are able to follow the story more easily. 

I additionally noticed that some sections are a bit overwritten. For example, in Chapter 2, you describe Taylor's morning routine piece by piece. Instead of explaining how she pulled her clothes out of her closet, went to the bathroom to change, etc., you could describe what she chose to wear and then incorporate that into the main parts of the story. By adding in too many minor details and events, the audience loses track of where the story is going and may lose interest in the story. 

The writing style is simple, but you do an excellent job of describing the direction of the plot. I feel that you could add a few additional descriptions to the setting, but I can easily picture the characters and I can imagine where the plot is headed. The story flows very smoothly as a whole and the conversation between characters is lighthearted and natural. I didn't notice any particularly awkward encounters, and the story maintained a playful mood. 

I also love the chapter titles and how they are written alphabetically, yet they still have humorous meanings! It's a very entertaining start to each section. Chapter 3 in particular really made me laugh: "C is for Crewman, the Goddess of Catastrophe."

The characters are very thoroughly described and the audience understands how Taylor is feeling and who she is. You also did a wonderful job of describing the physical traits of your characters, and your readers have no trouble visualizing them. You express their personalities primarily through dialogue, but there is some direct characterization as well. The way that they communicate with one another gives your readers an idea of how they think. 

*Analysis is based on the first 5 chapters

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