Belladonna

Regret

Belladonna 21

29 October 1993

Regret

Ana sat in darkness. She didn't know what time it was; she didn't care to know what time it was. Though with the Dementors drifting around the perimeter making everything dark and cold, it probably wasn't as late as it looked, or maybe it was later. That wasn't important. Time wasn't important. What mattered right then, was that Ana was alone.

After her confrontation with Fred that afternoon, Ana needed to be alone. When the crowd had dispersed, Ana retreated to the dorm like she'd planned. She was certain that once she'd made it there, she would break down. She did not. She'd focused so hard on holding her mask that it eventually set in. When she reached her bed, it continued to hold.

It was still holding now, hours later, but it was finally growing weaker. That was why Ana was alone and glad for it. Suddenly a bit of movement caught her attention. She whipped her head around.

"Fr..." Ana bit back the traitorous name that had nearly slipped out. It wasn't Fred that stood in the doorway; it was Sadie.

Ana stood frozen in silence. Since she had bunked off the rest of her lessons that day, she hadn't seen any of the girls since lunch. She hadn't seen anyone in general. Ana wanted to tell Sadie to go away, but to do so Ana would have to speak. And if Ana tried to speak, she knew her mask would crumble.

"Is this where you'd meet?" Sadie asked as she looked around the empty classroom.

Ana fought to keep her mask up, but Sadie was one of her best friends.

"It's secluded, I suppose," Sadie continued. She wrinkled her pretty little nose when she saw the dust on the empty desk. "Grungy, but secluded."

Sadie turned her attention back to Ana as she moved forward.

"I...I heard what happened; by now most of the castle has heard some version of it. Flora saw to that. I'm sorry I wasn't there. I'm sorry I didn't stop..."

"It was no big deal," Ana said through her teeth.

"I know that's a lie."

"It meant nothing to me."

"I know that's a lie too."

Ana turned away hastily, using the movement to wipe away the tear that had started to fall. She could feel more pushing to the surface. It was about to happen.

"If it meant nothing, then why did you miss classes?"

"I told you; I wasn't feeling well."

"Because you saw him with Heidi?"

"Don't!" Ana whipped her head around again. "Go away, Sadie. Please."

Sadie did not leave. Rather, she moved forward and sat on the desk next to Ana.

"I know you liked him. I don't know why you liked him, but I know you did. I watched you flirt with him many times. Sometimes we can't choose the people we fancy; it just happens and we have to deal with it. For better or for worse.

"What you did today, Ana..." Sadie shook her head. "I know half of what Flora is saying is a lie, and I really hope the other half isn't true either, but...Ana?"