Twisted Willow

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Author: shopyg

Genre: Fantasy/Adventure/Short Story


The cover photo is very pretty, but I don't see how it is related to the plot or purpose of the story. It isn't vey attention-grasping and the reader has a hard time getting an idea of what the story will be about. The title, however, fits the story perfectly, as it is based around a willow tree that has a strong impact on people's lives. On the other hand, the font of the title and author's name is very small and the color doesn't blend well with the cover photo. Perhaps you could make the lettering a bit bigger and choose a font that is easier to read and more professional looking. 

Grammar errors:
Prologue: "...was unknown to many of what the willows true purpose was." Here, the word "willows" should contain an apostrophe right before the s. As the word is supposed to be possessive, it must include the apostrophe in order to pass that message. 

Something I noticed throughout your story is that some sentences do not express a complete thought. For example, in the Prologue, you wrote "Leading to loyal successors endangering their life without a second of doubt." The sentence doesn't clarify what leads to loyal successors endangering their life. Although this is mentioned in the previous sentence, this one is incomplete, therefore making it difficult for your readers to understand it. You may want to consider combining this sentence with the previous one in order to express a complete thought. When your sentences are missing a subject, it makes the writing seem very choppy and difficult to follow. 
I noticed this in multiple places throughout the story, so keep an eye out for areas like this. 

I really love how detailed the story is and it is clear that you spent plenty of time to plan and organize it. I did find it to be a bit wordy at times though, such as the first paragraph in the prologue. Many sophisticated vocabulary words were used, which makes the reader think about the wording and what it means more than the story itself. Although it is great to use longer words occasionally, overuse makes the story almost too difficult to comprehend. If you want the story to appeal to a large audience, you may want to consider using more common and basic words so that your readers can follow along more easily. 

The plot was very detailed, but the story was more told rather than shown. There were many basic explanations that introduced the reader to the setting and the characters. More sensory details and descriptions on the setting would make the story much more lively for the reader. Without enough details, the audience becomes bored and will likely have a hard time following the story. 

I find the characters to be likable, but they are a bit bland. More details are definitely necessary in order to make them more relatable and animated. The audience doesn't have a very clear idea of what their personalities are and how they think. It is difficult to really understand and picture them if no entertaining details are provided.

Overall, the plot of the story was creative and interesting, but the writing style could use some slight changes. By completing each sentence and using some more commonly-used words, the story would become easier to understand and more entertaining. 


*Analysis is based on the first 5 chapters

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