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I ended up in the library. At a computer, with headphones on, looking out the window with tired eyes. Miniature students down on the concrete walk to classes. They sit in circles on the grass, talking and laughing. Trees blow in the wind and leaves run across the benches. Everything is in motion, while I sit here, unmoving.

The music in my ears stops. I take the headphones off and set them on the desk. I look around me, still the library is empty. 9AM is a time when most people will be attending morning classes. Like I should be right now.

It's almost 10:30 now, which explains why there are more people not in classes. I stare at the computer screen in front of me and think how stupid it is. All these people attending these classes, getting a higher education, wasting their time and money. When in reality most will end up working in McDonald's. Despite their degree in Bio-chemistry or their majors in Art.

I feel tired so I rest my head on the desk and sleep.

- :( -

I awake with a sore neck. I am not a stranger to pain so I just sit up slowly and look around. There are a few students studying, other than that the library is empty. The clock on the wall tells me it's 5:30PM. I leave the library.

I catch the train to a small town just outside Seoul where I live. I walk from the station to the place I sleep. It is not 'home'. It is a place where I involuntarily live. I walk the 6 flights to my door and open it. I am met with a hand around my neck dragging me from the doorway. My head hits a wall with force and I struggle to keep my eyes open.

"Look at me," the voice of my father growls. I do. He is drunk. "I hear you've been slacking off again,"

I don't reply and just focus on breathing through my nose slowly. Hands grip tighter around my neck and I whimper.

"Answer me. Did you miss your classes again?" His voice is harsh with controlled anger.

"Y-yes," I choke out, my hands clawing at his. I can't get any more air and my head is starting to hurt.

My head is banged against the wall. "I send you, to university," He breaths in deeply and licks his lips. He starts shouting. "To get a fucking education! So you will actually be worth something in your life! But you're just a fucking disappointment- you don't even try!" His spit is splattering my face. "You're just useless, you're worthless. I try so hard to get a fucking education for you and you don't bother turning up to classes!"

My eyesight is blurry and I feel hazy. My nails dig into his hands and I try to speak but I can't. He finally lets go and I collapse to the floor, shaking and grasping for air. I feel a kick to my stomach and I curl up on the floor in pain. I feel the world slip away and go black.

- :( -

I awake to an aching head and a sore neck. I go to the bathroom and look at my face. My eyes are too far apart, my nose is too flat, my lips are too big, and my chin in too long. I splash my face with water. I look back up to the mirror- my neck is starting to bruise. A deep purple bruise sits in the middle of my neck where his thumb had pressed.

I walk to my room and shut the door. I change my top to a turtle neck and drag a brush through my hair. I go to leave for university when father grabs my wrist. I turn around to face him.

"I called the university," he says grimly. "You don't go there anymore,"

I blink and try to block out the stench of alcohol.

"Now listen to me girl," he grabs my ear and drags my face close to his. I close my eyes and close my mouth shut. "You go to a different university now, a better one, right in the centre of Seoul. It's called All Seoul university,"

"Thank you," I whisper.

"You go to those fucking classes," He hisses and his hand travels to my lower back. I close my eyes tighter. "You get your fucking degree and bring money into this household. If you miss one class," I hear him lick his lips. "I'll fuck you, and then kill you. Got it?"

"Got it," I return and he pushes me away from him. I dash out of the door and close it. I hold back a sob and descend the stairs of the flat block.

I catch a train to the centre of Seoul and begin walking. And I'll walk until I find this university.

trust issues; chaelisa Where stories live. Discover now