Rejection Once is Enough

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Author: Fantasies-N-Tealn20s

Genre: Werewolf

Mature


I find the cover to be appealing and attention-grasping. It depicts lots of action and suspense while also clearly showing that the story is based around werewolves. After reading the first few chapters and the foreshadowing that you incorporated, I can clearly imagine the significance of the title and what may happen later in the story. 

Grammar errors:
Prologue: "...why her and the whole pack kept quiet when news..." Here, the word "her" should be changed to "she." This can be seen if you remove "the whole pack" from the sentence and make it singular: "...why she kept quiet when the news..."
Chapter 1: "The effect of alcohol on my body caused me to stumbled down the hallway..." The word here should be "stumble."
Chapter 2: "Roy was the who went hard..." I assume you meant to write "Roy was the one who..." 
Chapter 2: "I entered to see Everett his tense and pacing..." You should remove the word "his" and replace it with a comma. 

I recommend that you take some extra time to proofread as you continue writing, as I have noticed many minor spelling and grammar mistakes throughout the first couple of chapters. Some mistakes always slip by unnoticed, so perhaps you could lend your writing to a friend to proofread as well. Sometimes other people notice mistakes in our writing that we never think about. 
I also noticed a few run-ons throughout the story, so be sure to add some commas where they are needed. 

The story is mostly told rather than shown. The writing style is very narrative, and you primarily explain Aulora's life experiences rather than describing them. Try to incorporate some more sensory details where you can. 

I don't feel that the prologue is entirely necessary. The first chapter would have been much more interesting to read if I didn't already know what was to happen. For example, when Everett spoke about how Aulora wasn't his mate, I would have been more interested in the story if it hadn't been mentioned in the prologue. I feel that these bits of suspense could've greatly contributed to the story.

I feel that the story does go off track in some areas where you add information. Instead of using paragraphs to provide information, you may want to subtly weave the details in throughout the story. By doing this, the audience takes in the information without being drawn out of the story. 
I also noticed that you added the word count at the top of each chapter. By doing this, you are demonstrating that you are aiming for quantity rather than quality. It would be best to write with detail but not overwrite for the sake of getting as many words in as possible. The chapters seem a bit dragged-out and they become slightly boring in the middle. You may want to consider shortening the chapters so that they primarily include main events and additional details. By adding in many small unrelated events, the audience is distracted from the overall plot and they may lose interest. 

Something you may want to include are the meanings of terms. For example, some readers who are unfamiliar with wolves may not know what an alpha, luna, or beta are. If your readers are unaware of these terms, they may become confused as the story goes on. Be sure to string in some of these explanations as you write. 

The characters are clearly physically described and you do an excellent job of explaining what their roles are in the story. However, their personalities seem a bit flat. The characters' personalities are often expressed through dialogue and basic thoughts, but there isn't any deeper background information or feelings that are described. In order to make the characters more lively and relatable, you may want to incorporate more thoughts and sensory details. 

Overall, the plot of the story is unique and nicely thought-out. There are many unnecessary details and events, but once these are removed or rewritten to fit the plot more smoothly, the story will become extremely entertaining! I'm excited to see what is to come!


*Analysis is based on the first 5 chapters

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