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'Milton Marmalade's Remarkably Silly Stories for Grown-ups' is now available for a mere $5.99 (UK£4.99) on Amazon and in bookstores for the paperback edition. There are more stories and poems than are available here on Wattpad. The poems, in defiance of the decayed mores of the age, rhyme - most are silly, one serious and one erotic. 

How can I get a FREE ebook, I hear you ask breathlessly?

AMAZING TIME-LIMITED OFFER!   

Step 1: Private Message me on Wattpad stating your interest;

Step 1a: You will receive, absolutely FREE, a copy either of my masterpiece 'A Mermaid in the Bath' , or of 'Milton Marmalade's Remarkably Silly Stories for Grown-ups'  (eBook edition in your choice of format - Kindle, EPUB or pdf). For this I only need your email address. You can get a Kindle e-reader app for smartphones and for desktop computers free from the App store;

Step 1b: It's brilliant already, isn't it?

Step 2: You read the ebook and write an HONEST review on Amazon. There is no rule about how many stars you choose to give it;

Step 3: I send you a FREE copy of whichever ebook  you don't already have.

Step 3a: Laugh your socks off.

This offer only lasts until I decide it doesn't. Probably until my books have the number of Amazon reviews I think they should have. So pull your socks up and PM me now!

DISCLAIMER: the reader shall not hold Milton Marmalade or his publisher or agent liable in any way for any loss of part or all of a pair of sock or socks resulting from laughter or other form of convulsive mirth including suppressed sneezing resulting from the reading of his works.

A selection from 'Remarkably Silly Stories for Grown-ups'Read this story for FREE!