What to expect when dating Moriarty

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1. Pet names -
Moriarty loves your actual name, he thinks it suits you perfectly. However, when you are on a 'job' or just at home, he has fallen into the habit of calling you 'Kitten'. He believes it is entirely appropriate because you are all small, cute and innocent on the outside but if anyone messes with you, you can easily flash your claws. You're a little killer bitch at heart and he loves it.

2. Westwood -
Moriarty's Pride possessions are his Westwood suits. He practically lives in Westwood. He even has Westwood pyjamas. Moriarty likes to get you specially made one-of-a-kind Westwood dresses for you to wear to Balls and dances and such so make sure you are grateful because they cost a lot. (Like £89,000. Nobody else has anything like them) Just be warned, if you spill anything on his suits, he will get mad. I mean really mad. So... Be careful ok? He has had those suits for years and prides himself on maintaining the same size for over a decade (much to his amusement and Mycroft's dismay).

3. Sex -
Moriarty is extremely sexually oriented. Prepare for a lot of sex... Actually, not just sex, Moriarty can actually be quite romantic in the bedroom. He can literally lie next to you for hours just tracing circles on your thigh with his fingers. Sometimes, he buys you racy lingerie which doesn't leave much to the imagination... As much as he likes to get intimate, he is not an idiot. He's a gentleman, he respects your boundaries and no means no.

4. Presents -
Because of the amount of murders he rattles through in a month, Moriarty acquires quite a range of 'gifts' which he passes on to you. He gets the most excited when rich women need killing because rich women have diamonds... Lots and lots of diamonds... He has given you diamond earrings, ruby broaches, emerald necklaces, opal rings and sapphire hair pins, everything carefully polished and blood-free. He will always assure you "it isn't stolen if they no longer use it" which normally shakes off any doubt which you may have had over taking the property of a newly carved up corpse.

5. Miscellaneous weapons -
Moriarty will leave a lot of his old weapons around the house for your protection. The only problem is, he doesn't tell you this... Expect to open random draws and find old pistols, swords, daggers, even grenades. It's not unusual, he wants to keep you safe that's all. Just, don't be shocked if you open the kitchen draw to get a rolling pin and find a miniature pistol and a dagger in there. (Oh, there's also a long-sword in the grandfather clock. Just giving you the heads up)

6. Cleanliness -
Moriarty always makes sure that everything he owns is clean. After a 'job', he ensures that there is no blood, fingerprints, sweat, anything on the blades that he uses. Even though he is basically untouchable by the police at the moment, he is still cautious. Whatever you do, don't touch ANY of his stuff... If you got caught, he would never forgive himself.

7. Pets -
Moriarty (despite being a cold hearted killer) loves his pets. He has some cats, a few chinchillas, a micro-pig and his favourite... Cuddles the dwarf rabbit. Yes, I know it isn't scary or anything. You were probably expecting an alligator or something weren't you? Nope... It's a rabbit. He must be protected at all costs a because if anything happens to cuddles, people will die.

8. Helping him on jobs -
Expect training... A lot of training. Moriarty will rely on you to come with him on jobs and act faultlessly. You should be able to kill a man with one blow of a bat, assemble a rifle in under ten seconds and move silently without detection. He will quite often ask you to assist him on assassinations and he simply adores how elegantly you handle a machete.

9. Mycroft ruining your 'fun' -
Other than Sherlock, Mycroft is one of Moriarty's least favourite people. He is always sending the police, army troops, Sherlock, the navy, the airforce... Anyone to ruin your plans. He never catches you but he does his best to stop you from doing whatever you are doing. Expect a lot of irritated mumbling from Moriarty after being stopped my Mycroft. This will usually consist of insults like "why can that man never let me have any fun?", "of course he sends his men to do the legwork... Fat oaf..." And "at least I have better suits..."

10. Love -
He will love the absolute hell out of you. If any other guy so much as looks at you, they are as good as dead. He will quite often say "I would rip out a pulsating heart for you" which is actually quite cute if you don't visualise the grotesqueness of what that would actually entail. He will smother you with kisses while you're together and lust over you when you are apart. Basically, expect more love than anyone would ever hope to get in their lifetime.

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