Chapter Eleven (Ripples Across Time)

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The pull of the other worlds and times was strong. I would've liked nothing more than to forget the pain and struggle. To heal and escape. But the ache in my heart was greater.

Just enough meds to avoid the pull. Weeks barely sleeping, in a kind of wakeful haunted zone. Afraid of what was waiting.

Even more terrified of what wasn't!

As injections and physiotherapy continued. My days were narrow focused, into only the next task. The only way I could function. My doctor told me off. That I wasn't a robot and needed to feel. I couldn't continue like this, the strain on my heart was too great. It didn't keep a normal rhythm.

It wasn't that I didn't feel, it was I felt, too much! Missing my Dragon, and that loss broke me more than any accident. It broke me more than I'd ever been broken before. Because I'd never let anyone that close. Always protecting myself. But it was a simple truth of love, that broke me beyond what I believed possible!

I'd survived abuse. And rose up again and again. Never letting anyone break me. It was in letting someone into my heart, it opened torrents of floods of pain. A lifetime of survival, and I couldn't just survive anymore!

Emotions and loss overwhelmed me. It was like watching the person you love most die every day! Lost to you. On the heels of losing my mother. I lost the ability to speak to say anything. As I watched Dragon's anger walk away it was my heart lost.

Yet still so many people needed me function. All I had to hold onto was anger. The loss of Dragon tore my spirit apart. So that I pushed myself harder and harder in recovery. Welcoming the physical pain to ease the ache of what my heart screamed. The more I pushed the more strain on my heart, pushed me to my knees.

I didn't want to heal. I wanted to block the pain of watching the person you love disappear. By forcing my body into a schedule that would be as grueling as my heart ached.

When I closed my eyes, it was in exhaustion. Having tired myself out so badly I fell down. My kids had to carry me to bed. And they saw the haunted look in my eyes. They saw the words I couldn't speak. How much I needed my Dragon. But the resignation that pain is all I had left!

No matter how many jumps through time. The alarming fact that it was always Dragon. He would wage wars and turn time on its ear, to get to me.

Yet here in our time never came!

The soul tearing fact, he wouldn't cross a city or a planet to get to me. But expected me to drop everything. Making history and time the cruelest joke. Every sacrifice I made, meant nothing. Living in haunted dreams and loss.

As memories and tears fell a bombardment of all I've lived for. Torn like my body, heart and soul into jagged shards of pain.

Every time I started to let go, seagulls sounded in the distance.

"Gotcha."

"Jackal, leave me alone. I can't deal with anymore right now!"

"I knew I'd get you eventually! Enough work, training and fighting, Princess. It's time for healing and fun!"

"You can't leave well enough alone! I'm done. I'm failing at everything, I just want to stop jumping."

"Not a chance!"
He laughed.

"Seriously Jackal, they asked me to pick out wheelchairs today! I'm not in the mood. I'm not healing!"

"Princess, some healing can only take place in your heart!"

"What heart? Mines dead. There's no such thing as love, it's a lie. My entire life is fighting for survival or losing those I love. No more! I can't change anything, it never changes the present! I fail!"

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